Destiel - Do You Love Me?

Day 5 - First Kiss

Day 5 - First Kiss

Then there was silence. Castiel hadn't really thought before he said that last sentence and now he had just realised what he had said he hoped that the earth would just open and swallow him whole. He didn't mean to say it; it had just slipped out. He must have been wanting it to be true so badly that it just sort of came out. He was now regretting it and hoping that Dean hadn't heard him, however, it seemed that he had.

Had Dean heard Castiel right? Did he say date? Yes, Dean wanted it to have been a date but he knew full well that it wasn't. Or did he? Was this what Sam and Bobby were hoping would happen this whole time? No, could it? Dean didn't think that anoyone knew about his feelings after all he'd only realised them very recently and he hadn't exactly been flaunting them. He didn't think that he'd been acting differently towards Castiel, had he?

The silence continued on for a slow and painful minute before Dean cleared his throat slightly and looked at Castiel who was currently trying to sink as far down in his chair as he could without falling off and making even more of a fool of himself.

"I er..." Dean began before Castiel interrupted.

"I didn't mean it I'm sorry. I was just," he sighed deeply and looked across the table at Dean, "I'll just leave."

Castiel raised his wings to fly but just as he was about to leave he felt Dean's hand on his jacket sleeve. He lifted his head and looked into Dean's fresh green eyes.

"D-don't... You don't have to go," he muttered clearing his throat in preparation for what he was about to say.

Castiel didn't know what was coming but if Dean wanted him to stay after what he had just said then he had to stay. He wasn't sure what to say or how to say it so he just sat himself down in his seat and waited.

"Castiel, Cass," Dean muttered breathing out a deep sigh and lookign at the man before him, "As you know, I'm not very good with all this feelings crap and I don't think I ever really will be but I can't just pretend anymore. You've been around for a while now and everyday I see you risk everything you have for me and my brother. You catapult yourself into horrific situatons to make sure that at the end of the day we are still breathing and I've never really done that much for you."

Castiel opened his mouth to contradict but Dean held a hand up to stop him.

"I look at you every day and wonder what I have possibly done to deserve such a loyal friend as you and every day I fail to think of a single reason. I've begun to realise that I wish that I could protect you as you have me many a time before. I don't have much to offer but I, but every time I see you hurt I wish that I had been there to stop it. I've been stupid. Stupid to have not seen it before, to have not realised how much you truly mean to me. I don't ever want to see you get hurt ever again. I want to be right by your side fighting with you so that I never have to see those beautiful blue eyes clouded with anything but joy. So," Dean stuttered exhaling and reaching out his hands to hold Castiel's between his own, "If you'll have me I just.. I want to tell you that I... that I love you Cass."

Dean lifted his head and looked into the eyes that he had seen may times before. This time however it was different. He had told him everything. Everything that he'd been keeping tucked away inside his head, hidden from even himself and he'd let it all out.

Castiel just sat there, looking into the eyes of the man that had just sat before him and poured his feelings out before him. The man whom he'd saved from the depths of hell. The man whom he'd killed for. The man whom he had loved and cherished deep inside himself and now he was free. Free to tell him everything. But, he didn't have the words.

"Dean, I," he stumbled over the words all rushing to his lips in a race to escape and reveal how he felt, "I."

Castiel leant forward and pushed his lips to Dean's gently. He couldn't even begin to describe how he felt about Dean and no combination of words in English, Enochian, French or Spanish would do it justice. So he did the only possible thing, the thing he had been wishing for since the moment of realisation in the back of the car. The thing that his heart had been yearning for but his head had been holding him back from. He kissed him.

Author Note: OMG that Dean monologue was possibly the hardest thing I have ever had to write in my life! I'm sorry if you thought that was too short or if you didn't think that there was enough kiss but I just want this to be a sweet chapter and when I'd written that last sentence I just said to myself "That's how I'm ending this chapter." I hope that you enjoyed it and I would really really appreciate a comment for this chapter because this was a hard one for me and my first time writing something like this so please please please (not that I'm begging or anything) can you leave me a quick comment telling me how it was.