Destiel - Do You Love Me?

Day 25 - Gazing Into Each Others Eyes

Day 25 - Gazing Into Each Others Eyes

Dean couldn't put his finger on it but he knew something was wrong with Castiel. For the first few days he just assumed that he was upset about what Dean had said to him and he had every right to be. Dean had apologised profusely for what he'd said and promised Castiel that he didn't mean all of it. He'd done everything he could to make it up to him but Dean could feel that it wasn't changing Castiel's mind and he wasn't sure why.

Castiel couldn't shake what Zachariah had said from his mind as much as he wanted to believe that all of it was lies. When they had returned to Bobby's Dean had apologised again and it struck something inside Castiel that he couldn't ingore yet he wasn't sure what it was. It felt like a mix of want, anger, sadness and confusion that he had no way to understand. He wanted so badly for Dean to be telling the truth but he couldn't bring himself to believe that he was. He was angry that Dean continued to play the game but confused at why he was going about it in such a way.

Castiel had told Dean that he loved him and that everything he said wasn't true; that it wasn't Castiel's fault. Castiel always excepted his apology and told him that he knew it was all a lie yet Dean continued to apologise. Dean could tell that he hadn't forgiven him and for whatever reason, it didn't seem like he would be anytime soon and it was breaking Dean's heart.

"Dean," Sam called from the kitchen where he was stood with a beer in his hand, "Can I talk to you quickly?"

"Sure," Dean replied from where he was sat beside but not close to Castiel. He stood and looked at Castiel who seemed to be wrapped deeply in his thoughts and wandered towards the kitchen. Castiel had been more distant since the argument and not as talkative. It was much like that first days that Dean had seen him and it was very unsettling.

"Are you alright?" Sam asked as soon as Dean reached him and leant on the table across from him.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Dean asked crossing his arms and looking at his brother a little confused.

Sam had been perfectly fine after the accident with the vampires and he left the hospital with a broken finger and a few cuts. He'd tried to get straight back into the hunt for the horsemen's rings but Dean had stopped him. This slow pace meant that he'd had time to see Dean and Castiel's interaction and he'd noticed the same things Dean had and he was more than a little worried.

"I know that you said somethings that you didn't mean to Cass but he still seems off," Sam said quietly as he made sure that Castiel wasn't listening, "The way you two are... he should have forgiven you by now."

Dean sighed and looked at Sam with sad eyes, "I know. I just can't think of anything to say to him that I haven't already. The son of a bitch just isn't listening."

Dean unfolded his arms and ran a rough hand down his face and turned to look at Castiel. He was sat not saying a word. He'd been sat like that since Bobby and Adam had left to go shopping a while ago. He hadn't been replying to Dean or Sam. He just sat silently and thought, about what, the Winchesters weren't sure.

"Should we talk to him?" Sam asked looking at Castiel briefly before looking back at Dean who turned and sighed.

"I've tried everything Sammy," he said in a small voice filled with sadness, "He just won't forgive me."

Sam placed a hand on Dean shoulder and squeezed it gently, "Why don't you guys go out for a walk or something. Get some air and sort things out."

Dean nodded and smiled slightly at Sam before walking back towards Castiel.

OoO

Castiel sat silently and he felt the couch lift beside him as Dean went to talk to Sam. He just continued to sit and think about what was going on.

He wasn't able to fully believe anyone anymore and it was tearing his mind in two. Part of him knew that the things his brother had told him held some truth but the other part told him not to trust a thing he said. Part of him wanted to fall into Dean's arms and the other wanted to confront him. He didn't know what to do as he sat and waited for a signal to take Adam and a way to find the truth.

"Cass?" Dean muttered as he wandered back into the living room.

Castiel lifted his head to look at Dean and he felt terrible as he saw the hurt in Dean's eyes that he was trying to hide in his own.

"Can we go for a walk?"

"Yes," Castiel replied unemotionally as he stood and perred into Dean's eyes. The hurt in them was unmistakable but he couldn't shake the feeling that it was all a trick.

OoO

The two men walked down the side of the road in silence that once would have been comfortable but now hung thickly in the air falling over them with a huge weight that neither could let go of.

They walked near a small stream that bubbled over a bed of rocks; some jutting out of the water to be hit with small droplets of rain. The water sloshed around outcrops of grass before winding in a field a little in front of Castiel and Dean as they walked without a destination. They couldn't think of anything to say as so they continued the uncomfortable silence.

Dean couldn't bring himself to ask Castiel what he could do to get him to forgive him. He wanted so badly for the fog between them to clear and for everything to return to normal. He wanted to feel Castiel close to him as he slept; to watch him cook; to see the smile that he loved spread across his face when he saw him. He missed all of it an indescribable amount and he couldn't undeerstand why it was all gone.

Castiel couldn't look up at Dean no matter how hard he tried because he knew that the familar and heart shattering feeling would spread through his chest. He couldn't bare to look at the man that he had given everything for when he may not even love him the way that he did. Dean was his first love and he couldn't stand to be reminded that he may have never really had him.

"Let's sit for a while," Dean mumbled lowering himself onto a small bench that was under a tree.

The rain fell down in fornt of them both as Castiel sat down beside Dean. He watched each speck fall to the group as the silence started again. The ocassional drop trickled over a leaf and fell on to the couple's clothes and on to their hair and faces.

Castiel looked towards Dean as Dean looked at Castiel and they locked eyes.

Dean looked into the blue eyes that used to sparkle like waves on a summer sea but were now clouded with something that Dean couldn't pinpoint. He couldn't seem to pull away as if he believed something in them would reveal what was wrong with him; the thing that was hurting him so badly. He just found himself swimming endlessly in them with no direction and no idea how to help him.

Castiel peered back into deep green eyes that had once held many happy memories of times that they had been alone but now only held memories soured by the thought that they were all lies. He looked into those dark pupils that seemed to hold hurt yet Castiel was unable to believe that they were true. He couldn't see all the things that he used to see in his eyes. All they did was show him the lies that Dean had told.

He could almost hear his heart break as he tore his eyes away before leaving Dean alone in the rain.

Author Note: I remember when I first saw this one on the list of days and I thought 'They are always gazing into each others eyes. That's going to be really sweet and really easy to write'. I was very very wrong. It was a hard one to write because every couple of minutes I was sat cursing myself for writing it. But then again, at the beginning I didn't know how this was going to go. Now I do I'm not too surprised at how this turned out to be a rather sad chapter.