fire and rain // forheadedrose

39. Counseling

D E J A

I fixed my hair nervously, knowing I'd get some special attention by returning back to work so soon.

As I stepped off the elevator onto my floor, a rush of emotion came over me- good emotions.

Happy memories of Riggs telling me he loved me for the first time, him kissing me for the first time in the parking lot, eating Cheetos with him on our wedding night.

The hustle and bustle slowed down as I walked in, the floor actually became quiet which it rarely is.

I looked over at my desk to see Riggs with his feet on his desk and a black coffee cup in his hand.

I smiled as most people told me how glad they were I was okay.

"Detective." I passed my husband's desk, he looked up at me, surprised to see me in so early.

"Hey, I thought you weren't coming back for another week?" He leaned towards me as I sat down.

"The silence was deafening at your trailer." I sighed as I noticed my desk was exactly how it was when I left it.

"Ours.. Our trailer." He said and I smiled up at him.

"Young!" Someone hollered and I looked up to see Avery waiting by his door.

I sucked in sharply, I had just gotten back and I already felt like I was in trouble.

I walked over towards him and he engulfed me in a big hug, I was taken back before I chuckled and hugged him back.

He invited me into his office after we broke apart, "How've you been adjusting? You don't have to come back to work right away, you know?" He said sitting on the edge of his desk before I sat down in front of him, the door of his office closed.

"I'm adjusting good- my family is the best support system I've ever had. I know, I know. I just couldn't sit around any longer." I explained an she nodded.

"Riggs told you about the arrangement?" He asked and I slowly nodded, "One hour meetings with Cahill everyday if I want to carry." I smiled, showing him I knew.

"How about that's where you start for today? I know she'd love to see you, too." He said and I nodded.

--

"Deja?" Cahill brought me out of my thoughts as I looked up at her while sitting across from her.

"I'm fine. Aside from the not sleeping, the jumpiness, the constant, overwhelming, crushing fear that something terrible is about to happen." I sighed after the mouthful.

"It's called hyper-vigilance. The persistent feeling of being under threat." She explained calmly.

"But it's just not a feeling, though. It's like it's a panic attack. You know, like I can't even breathe." I explained as best as I could.

"Like you're drowning?" She asked.

I inhaled deeply as I nodded.

"So, if you're drowning," She continued because earlier we were talking about drowning and how you don't actually inhale water until the last minute, when your head feels like it's going to explode.