The Fangirl in a Heartbeat

Chapter 13 - The Art of Letting Go

Chapter 13 - The Art of Letting Go

Mia's POV

Ahh, and just like that, classes resumed. It's Monday again, back to the normal routine. Ohh I now miss those two weeks worth of relaxation... umm, I mean, school celebration, haha. 

Anyway I've been extra early today because in these times, duty calls. As the student council president, I have to make sure that things will go well today, now that classes are back and all. 

So here I am now rushing to the student council office. With a bag of french toast and a venti dark mocha frappuccino on hand, hopefully I'll be able to start my day right. 

"Woah, what are all these gifts for?!" I said, loud enough for my bestfriend Sandra to hear it, who by the way is the student council vice president. 

"Well well, those two cakes came from the organizers from the two-week school event. They said that it's their token of gratitude for you did a good job helping them out and all." Sandra replied as she gestures two boxes of whole cakes on my table, one on top of the other. 

"Aww, that's so sweet! I'll make sure to drop by their office later." I said, smiling. Of all the things you have to know about me, I'm a self-confessed sweet-toothed person. When it comes to cakes, ice creams, chocolates, and the like, I'm the first one to give in to those! "How about this box? What's this?" I asked, examining the box. 

"Oh, and that one is a box of chocolates from Setting Fire to Lithium. It's their way of saying thanks that they're the finale on the band list." Sandra explained. "They're about to give those to you by lunchtime but then they realized that maybe you'll be busy by then due to presidential duties so they just went here instead and leave it at your desk. Dwayne brought those here, saying that for sure it'll make you smile."

Gosh. It did make me smile! I've got cakes and chocolates. This is heaven!! 

By now, I'm grinning. Suddenly, I saw a sack full of gifts and letters beside my work desk. "Don't tell me that sack full of gifts and letters are for me too?" I asked, surprised. 

"Yep! They're from your fans club silly!" Sandra grimaced. "And, I think some of the letters in there are declaration of love too!" she added, nudging me on my arm. 

I just nudged her back. "Since when did I have a fans club?" I asked questioningly. 

"Ever since you became president, your oh so loyal supporters created a fans club! Remember those fan mails you're getting before? It's from them! But now your fans club is getting bigger!" She exclaimed. "And they've got better gifts too! Way better than just fan mails." she winked jokingly. 

"Wow. I didn't know that they have expanded and considered creating a fans club for me." I replied in awe. 

"They like the way you work and your attitude towards things. They've got smitten of your charisma dear!" Sandra retorted in a cheery voice. 

I didn't realize that a lot of people appreciate my efforts as the student council president. Sure, I get to be so busy just because of fulfilling my duties, but then with these simple tokens of appreciation, and the love that I’m receiving from them, it's worth it. I'll continue to do my best! 

"Oh and you've got one last gift by the way." Sandra suddenly said, cutting me off from my thoughts. She went back to her table and handed me a paper bag. "Here ya go!"

I opened the paper bag to see a box of cupcakes and another box of blueberry waffles. Then there's a bottle of blueberry syrup. 

"Wow. These are all my favorite foodies! Blueberry waffles and carrot cupcakes with lots of creamcheese on top!!!" I said excitedly. Oh gosh, such mouth-watering delights! This is the best Monday ever!!!! I am so thankful for all the gifts that I received today. "Wait, who gave this anyway?" I asked, suddenly realizing that it's the only gift package that doesn't have a name as to who gave it. 

"Good question! Here~" she said as she shoved a piece of paper on her hands and gave it to me. I took it and unfolded the paper. 

Hope you enjoy the cupcakes and the waffles. I even added a bottle of blueberry syrup for your waffles, I know how much you love my mom's homemade sauce for that. 

Meet me after your last class. See you at the third floor music room, okay? Please don't forget. 

See you and have a nice day Ms. President! 

-Patrick :)

My mouth seemed to be hanging open for a few minutes or so. Did Patrick really do this... for me? Why does he want me to meet him after class? Maybe the band has a new song or something? 

"Mia, better close your mouth or else the flies will make that their permanent habitat." Sandra joked. I closed my mouth as I blushed a little out of embarrassment. I forgot that she's still with me. 

"Thanks a lot girl." I muttered sarcastically, rolling my eyes. 

"Anytime dear!" she replied sarcastically, giving me a wink for an added effect. "Since when did Patrick become that sweet towards you?" she cooed. 

"Uhhh, just now? I don't even know what's up with him now?" I replied. 

"Why are you now replying to me in question form?"

"I dunno?"

"There you did it again!" Sandra said, giving a light chuckle. "Ain't that a good thing? Patrick seems to be doing something about your feelings for him!!" she exclaimed excitedly. 

"Nah, he just gave me a gift because as the leader of the band he's thankful and all that they were able to perform on-stage." I replied, slightly shrugging as if it's just nothing. 

Plus, what Sandra doesn't know is that I'm already trying to move on in here. I am letting go of my feelings for Patrick. I have wasted eight years for this one-sided feeling of mine. I need to put an end in this. 

I wonder what he is up to. He never did this to me. He never showed his sweet side to me. Sure he flirts from time to time but that's nothing serious. For sure she does that to every girl... I've seen him do all those simple flirty moves on me to other girls. He just likes the attention and the feeling that he can make girls swoon over him. 

Now remembering that makes me realize how silly I am! Yuu was right, why am I still head over heels for him when I am completely aware that he does not even like me back? Gosh, am I really this stupid? 

Should I go see him after class? What if I'll just make an excuse that I won't be able to meet him by then? 

Ughh, decisions decisions. 

***

It' my third class for the day before lunchtime. Ughhh, why does time have to be so slooooow. 

"Mia" I hear someone whisper shouted my name behind me. Seeing our teacher still writing something on the board I quickly glanced back as to who called my name. 

I saw Patrick grinning behind me. "Have you received my gift?" he asked, smiling sweetly. What's up with his sunny attitude towards me now?

"Uhh yeah, I did. It was nice of you to send me a gift. I appreciate it. Thanks!" I replied, low enough so that the two of us can only hear, and that we won't get to interrupt the class. 

His grin never falters. "I knew you'll like it! Those are your favorites!" 

"Uhh yeah, they are... haha." I replied a little awkward. His grin starts to creep me out a little. 

"Say, you wanna eat lunch with us? Just at the usual spot of the band at Cafe Hearst." he asked, trying to save the suddenly slightly awkward conversation. 

"Umm, sorry... I can't. We have a meeting later lunchtime... you know, presidential duties." I replied casually, trying not to sound that I'm just making an excuse not to say yes to his offer. 

If I were still that old me who is still head over heels for him I'll say yes in a heartbeat, but then I'm trying to change now. I won't tail on him like a lovesick puppy anymore. 

"Oh. I see..." he replied. A flash of disappointment seemed to cross his face but he seemed to regain his sunny vibes mood again. 

Good. He did buy my excuse, HAH! Too bad we don't really have a meeting later... ughh, where will I eat then? Eating inside a bathroom cubicle seems like a safe place for him not to see me during lunchtime, but ewww, so unhygienic! Guess I'll just eat in the student council office so that he won't suspect. 

"See you after school then? Third floor music room." he suddenly added. 

"Umm that..." I trailed. 

"If you'll gonna say that you've got some presidential duties to do I won't buy it." he replied in a now serious tone. 

"But I really do have some presid-"

"No. You just don't wanna hang out with us anymore."

"What? No! I wanna hang out with you guys! It's just that I'm really busy now that classes have resumed."

"You lied to me about the student council meeting later lunchtime."

"I did not okay! There really is a meeting later! We'll be discussing a few things!"

"I saw Sandra awhile ago at the hallway before I went to this class. She said hi and asked me if the band will be eating later at Cafe Hearst. She told me that she's planning to join us later. She even told me that she'll bring you along for sure. She's the vice president right? Why doesn't she know about that meeting you keep on telling me?"

I unconsciously bit my lip. Darn it! He blew my cover! Think Mia! Think! "Well maybe I forgot to tell her about that awhile ago. She left early in the student council office so-"

"I just blew your cover. You're just making an excuse. Can't you just give up?"

"Wow, and why are you assuming that you're right? Can't I also have my forgetful moments too? I just forgot to tell her, okay."

"You just don't want to see me. Just stop saying excuses."

"Why do you think that?"

"It's obvious that you're ignoring me. It's been days... no, it's been a week since you talked to me."

"Since when do I have to talk to you every single day?"

"I don't mean it like that!" 

"You make it sound like that."

"I did not!"

"You did."

"Ughh you're starting to annoy me. What's wrong with you?" he asked, teeth gritted. 

Woah woah why is our conversation started to heat up? Geez, what's his problem?! "You know what, you're my problem. Stop being annoying. So what if I'm just making up an excuse?"

"So now you admit it."

"Whatever. So what? Can't you take the hint? I don't want to see you."

"But why?"

"We don't have anything to talk about anyway."

"What if we have something to talk about?"

"Like what?"

"Like why are you ignoring me these past few days? You seem distant..."

"Oh please, I am not."

"No, I don't think so."

"Just drop it."

"No."

Ughhh he is starting to annoy me. Can't he just stop talking to me?

"Mr. McKee and Ms. Sheehan, care to share to the whole class your heart to heart talk over there?" Mr. Tanaka, our Japanese language elective teacher asked out loud, looking at us as he pressed his glasses into place. 

Oh gosh, never in my whole highschool life have I experienced my attention being called. I'm attentive to every single class! What to do now? 

"Umm, nothing Mr. Tanaka. Patrick here is just asking my help as to what's the proper stroke in writing the Japanese kanji characters for 'strong rain'... I'm just trying to explain it to him..." I trailed. I hope he buys it. 

"I see. If ever you have questions, feel free to ask me Mr. McKee, and not your classmate." Mr. Tanaka replied. 

"Sorry sir, I will next time." Patrick replied politely. 

"Okay. Just pay attention now, you two." Mr. Tanaka said, giving us a final glance before he started to go back discussing the Japanese kanji characters on the board. 

"We're not yet done Mia. We still have to talk." Patrick whispered in my ears as he leaned forward on his seat, towards my backside. 

"You know what, you’re right, we really need to talk. I'll see you later at the third floor music room then." I snapped. We need to talk anyway. He has to know that I don't like him at all now. I give up. I am already letting him go and I am now moving on. I've wasted my eight years already, I need to put an end on my fangirling towards him before it gets out of hand. 

With that, he just nodded and is now focusing at what our teacher is discussing.

This is it. I'll be putting an end to my silliness. 

***

Breathe in, breathe out Mia. Relax. Everything will be fine.

I keep chanting that inside my head as I am now heading to the third floor music room. This is it, last three steps and I'm in front of the room. 

So many thoughts spiraled in my head. Will things turn out to be alright after this conversation? 

What will the band think of this? I don't want them getting caught up with this situation too. Oh, and don’t even get me started about explaining this situation to Sandra. For sure she wants to know every single bit about this.

Ughhh. God help me. 

I turned the knob, slowly pushed the door, and peeked a little inside, surveying the room. No one's inside yet. Maybe I'm just too early. 

I decided to just go inside and sit at the couch near the grand piano. 

"You came." Patrick said, as he turned his back on me as he was on the far right corner of the music room, staring outside the window. 

"Yeah. We need to talk anyway." I stated. "Where's the rest of the band?"

"They're all at Dwayne's place. We don't have a band practice today. I set this meet-up with you today alone... just the two of us." He said, his tone void of emotion. "They aren't involved in this anyway." 

I just nodded in agreement. At least it's just the two of us. I don't want to further explain this situation to the rest of the band… yet. 

"So tell me, why are you ignoring me?" Patrick asked, direct to the point. He's looking at me intently as he waits for my answer. 

"I'm not ignoring you, okay. It's just that I realized that I'm way too clingy when it comes to you that... that I think you need a breather." I said, partly stammering. His facial expression seemed to soften a little but then he scrunched his eyebrows in confusion afterwards, seeming like he's on deep thought. 

"I don't mind that..." he trailed. 

"Oh please, you keep on asking me before if I never get tired of being too clingy when it comes to you. I take that as a hint as you not really wanting my presence whenever." I explained. 

"No. It's just that..." he said, pausing a bit for it seems that he is at loss for words. 

"I get it. No need to explain." I said in return, not wanting him to finish his thought. "Plus, there’s also another thing that I just realized that's why I may be a bit... distant." 

"Then tell me what it is?"

I cleared my throat before I continue. It's now or never. "I realized that it's been eight years since I had liked you. I've been too clingy for a fan. Sure we're friends, but you know that I wanted you more than that. I'm aware that you don't like me back, maybe it's just that tiny bit of hope and wishful thinking that keeps me going." I said, my tone unexpectedly calm enough. 

He's just looking at me intently, urging me to further continue. 

I took a deep breath as I continue what I'm saying. "I realized how silly I am all these years... I mean why do I keep on hoping for something that won't happen? You only see me as a friend, or probably just another fan of yours... so I'm pretty sure that you won't fall for me. I knew about it all along but maybe I just like you so much back then that I started to believe that maybe one day, as you see how consistent I am as someone who's always by your side, you'll get to like me too. Who am I kidding anyway..." I said, chuckling dryly. 

I saw Patrick gave out mixed emotions. Am I seeing a surprised, flattered, guilt, and... hurt expression?"

"Anyway... as I was saying..." I continued. "I've seen this coming. I’ve seen all the warning signs, I just chose to let it all slide. But now, I'm giving up already, I now accept defeat. I'm now letting go of my feelings for you. It's so silly on my part to like you this long when I'm aware that it's one-sided. I'm not saying this for you to feel bad, I mean... why will you feel bad anyway? You're just being true to your feelings for me. You don't like me in any way, you don't harbor the same feelings that I have for you. I get it already. I realized that I have to move on now. I don't want to bother you anymore, so the least that I could do is to distance myself from you..."

After my speech that feels so long that it seems overwhelming on his part, we were engulfed in silence. It's neither a comfortable silence nor a silence that feels like an eternity, but rather, it feels like a silence wherein our thoughts suddenly wandered elsewhere. 

"I'm sorry." he said softly, breaking the silence. He said it like he just breathed it out after holding his breath for long. I can't seem to figure out his facial expression for he lowered his head a bit. 

"No, you don't have to. I understand. I always wish for you to find true happiness, the least that I can do is to not force you to like someone whom you don't like wholeheartedly. I'll still be rooting at your band!" I replied, babbling. I suddenly feel sweaty right after I said everything that's been bottled up inside me. "Also, thank you Patrick... for everything." 

He suddenly looked up looking at my serene demeanor. Maybe it clicked on his head that I'm serious about this, and that this is the end of me chasing him. 

He just nodded, not knowing what to say. He just looked at the window and stare outside, seeming out of trance along with his thoughts. 

"Umm, I'll be leaving now then..." I trailed, quite unsure of that. I'm pretty sure though that his silence is my cue to leave. I walked towards the door, opened it and went outside. As I closed the door, and now that I'm out of the room, I heaved a heavy sigh of relief. 

Thank God I said it. I feel so much better that I'm able to say all those things. 

With that, I started to head home. My mind wanders from time to time, as I recall our talk just a few minutes ago. 

I guess this is a fresh start on my part... 

Goodbye Patrick, you'll always have a special place in my heart. 

---

Author's Note:

Ta-daaa~! Hooray for chapter 13! *dances*

This is bound to happen anyway. Finally, Mia said it!!! What do you think about this chapter?

Tell me what you think! Share your ideas and thought about this chapter or about the whole story in general :)

Message me whenever! Chat away, I’m approachable! :D

Vote and comment! I appreciate all the feedback that I’m getting from all of you!

Hmmm, for the next chapter, I’m thinking of doing Patrick’s POV! Stay tuned! ;)

I’ll update within this week or next week! Hohoho. Have a nice day awesome readers of mine >:D<

~kirimisashimi♥