In the midst of my usual morning routine; I turned my stereo up to an unnecessary volume and hopped in the shower before preparing for yet another day of classes. One more week, and the spring semester would be over and done with. Summer break was right around the but as usual I wasn't the least bit excited about it.
If it was up to me, I'd stay my ass right here in VA for the next 2 and a half months if I could but unfortunately for me it was way out of the question since my sister Camille was getting married in a few weeks.
I know you're probably thinking 'who'd wanna miss one of the most important days in their sister's life?'
Well of course that'd be normal if they got along but my sisters and I couldn't stand each other to be honest.
There were three of us.
Camille-
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was the oldest- the perfect ideal daughter if I must say. It makes my stomach turn just thinking about it but it was the truth. She was gorgeous, had straight A's all her damn life and was now in Med School to become a doctor. Growing up in her shadow was like living in hell. Everything was a competition with her.
I'm sure I wouldn't have even been deemed as one of her bride's maids if my mother didn't threaten to rearrange her teeth if she was thinking otherwise.
My little sister Solange -
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was seventeen, a senior in high school and of course still living at home with my parents being spoiled rotten. She walked around like her shit didn't stink on a daily and that's basically the main reason why I couldn't stand her ungrateful ass. She was the baby. It really disturbs me how she thinks everything is supposed to be handed to her on a silver platter but I blame my parents for that.
Me on the other hand, I guess you can say that middle child syndrome got the best of me.
The first chance I got to leave home I took it and ran with it. After I graduated from high school I came straight to VSU- miiiiiles away from Houston. It was the opportunity I'd been waiting for to be noticed as ME, alone, independent, and out of Camille's shadow for once.
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After getting out of the shower and lotioning up, I turned the volume up on my stereo even more when I heard the beat drop to Mary J. Blige's "I'm Fine".
I needed those inspirational lyrics right about now.
My voice trailed off from the singing I was doing when I walked past the full length mirror hanging by my closet.
As much as I tried to ignore my reflection it was like a bad habit of mine to just stand there and stare at myself in my underwear; detecting anything I could find wrong with myself. I sucked in my stomach a little and picked at the little pudge on my sides. It wasn't much but still far away from the flatness that I desired.
Growing up, I was an awkward looking thing. Braces, acne, chubby...the list goes ON-I'm getting sick just thinking about it.
The braces and acne had disappeared years ago in high school but for some reason my weight was still an issue for me. Unlike my sisters and their twig figures I was a little on the thicker side with many attributes of a real woman. Hips, thighs, little stretch marks here and there, you name it- I had it.
After all of the teasing and fat jokes in my younger years, I thought I had built a thick enough skin to let all of that role off of my shoulders but it'd definitely done something to my self esteem.
I wasn't one of those overly depressed chicks but I had some insecurities that a lot of people weren't aware of.
Living in this day and age some people probably look at me and would think I was an average thick chick and loving it- especially since that seemed to be all that guys go for now but when I looked at myself all I saw was fat and I hated it. It was like an obsession or something to keep weight off since I could gain it so easily.
Not too long after I'd stopped in front of the mirror, I heard Michelle my roomie/bestfried banging on my door referring to the loud music. "ARE YOU HAVIN A FCUKIN CONCERT IN THERE OR SOMETHING, DAMN!" She was always grouchy so I wasn't buggin. She needed to get her ass up anyway. She had a class earlier than me, I don't even know why she was still in here.
Ignoring her loud mouth I shook my head and went on getting dressed in a white tunic-like shirt with a deep v-neck, dark skinny jeans, and some leather red peeptoe flats. I spiced the look up a little with a long gold necklace, a chunky bracelet, and some vintage door knocker earrings before doing my hair and make-up.
Most days, I'd roll out of bed, throw on some sweats and go to class just not giving a fcuk but today I wanted to look cute since I didn't feel like it.
I changed purses and grabbed my IO-Psyc book before heading out of my room. Michelle was in the kitchen of our little on campus apartment still in her pajamas and eating a bowl of cereal.
"Don't you have class?"
She looked around for a second and started coughing full of drama. She wasn't foolin nobody.
"Girl yea, I think I'm catchin something though. A cold maybe..?"
"You aint caught shit, shut up!" I laughed and set my stuff down before going to the fridge and grabbing a little fruit cup.
She stopped with the fake hacking and continued eating her precious coacoa puffs while I stuck with my fruit. I spotted the calendar on the fridge and realized she'd been X'ing off the days until finals were over. Of course she had something to look forward to with her tight knit drama-free family.
We'd been pretty close since freshman year and I actually visited them a few times in Jersey along with her- mainly on the holidays I'd skipped out on my own family events. I sighed, just thinking about what was to come in less than a few weeks. This was going to be an interesting break. I could just feel it now.
