Several days passed before I put everything into perspective and even attempted to get my priorities straight. I'd come to the conclusion that I was infatuated beyond reason with Jay for all the wrong grounds.
He spoiled me with the finest, and there was definitely a sexual connection, but I still had insecurities within myself. I was looking for a companion to boost my confidence when in all actuality I needed to handle that before getting into a relationship. Case in point why things probably just fell apart. We all know how many issues I had before I met Jay. Partially he had changed my ways but I still had some soul searching to do within myself and BY MYSELF if you know what I mean.
I'm sure you can just imagine how pissed off I was that night Kelly gave me the heads up on Jay's midnight fling. It was 2:00 in the morning and my ass was ready to take a trip to Houston and raise hell. You know how females can get when they're angry. We start thinking like The Hulk and shit. That whole façade diminished once I grabbed up my car keys and realized the damage had already been done.
My attempts were useless. There was NO REASON for me to fight for his love if it was never there in the first place. Anything he ever told me was probably a crock of bullshit anyway especially if he had the nerve to say he hoped this chick was worth ruining the relationship we had formed. I'll admit- we both were pretty fuked up for what we did but if he honestly thought his concept of revenge was the best therapy...I hoped his dick fell off. I truly did.
Eventually my nerves calmed. I couldn't even cry. Maybe he wasn't worth it. Maybe this whole thing was blown out of proportion and Jay wasn't the man I thought I needed in my life. Only time would tell, I guess.
Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into a new month. It's amazing how separation from a spouse or other half can either make or break a person. Even though I was still sort of stuck somewhere in the middle I was trying to make some progress.
Sometime during the week of midterms Ashleigh and Michelle suggested a last minute trip to Miami for our spring break. The atmosphere in VA was already getting played out and the last thing I wanted to do was go back to Houston so I agreed with the quickness. Besides my temporary dislike for Ashleigh had long disappeared once her little crush on Lyndall faded into history- she was on my cool list again. The fact that BET's annual Spring Bling festivities would also be taking place during the same week was a double plus.
There's nothing like a little fun in the sun to lift your spirits.
That Saturday after exams the three of us piled our luggage into Michelle's 2006 Toyota Rav4
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and started on our six to eight hour journey.
Majority of the time consisted of our loud and obnoxious singing then Michelle decided to slip in 'The Emancipation of MiMi' an old favorite. While Ashleigh and Chelle belted out the lyrics to 'We Belong Together', I laughed at their horrible attempts to match Mariah's notes until a particular song started playing. I remembered listening to it on many occasions before but never ever did it have much relevance to my life as it did now.
