Host of Imperfections

Chapter 30

Sunday, January 25th

The next morning- or shall I say afternoon, I woke up with heavy lidded red eyes and a stuffy nose.

The sun was beaming through my blinds as some sort of sign that I needed to wake my ass up pronto. Rolling over onto my back I stared at the ceiling letting the events from the previous night play out in my head. I don't recall even falling asleep until 4am; I was so caught up with what I was going to do with this sudden 'problem' that had popped up.

There was no way in hell I was going to have this child right now.

If I didn't die getting rid of it, I'm sure my mother wouldn't hesitate to finish me off if she were to find out. Jay and I hadn't even been together for a whole year yet and already this shit was happening. No glove, no love- that's what I should've been telling his ass but nooo- he had my head so gone all this time that was the least of my worries. I was ashamed- downright disgusted with myself and ashamed.

In the middle of trying to convince myself to crawl out of bed, I heard a noise across the room that sounded like my cell phone vibrating. I spotted my purse hanging off the door knob by the strap and forced myself up to get it. God knows I didn't feel like talking to anyone at the moment but something told me to get up and answer it anyway.

By the time I made it across the room the call had dropped and I shelved through all of my junk until I found it, my brows strewing together as soon as I read the screen telling me I had 3 missed calls. Scrolling down the log, I sighed rubbing my forehead and seeing they were all from the same person. Jay. He had called at least 2 times last night and twice today. I guess I really was in another world to not even answer it let alone realize it had rung; after all it was set on vibrate so I had an excuse.

Habitually, I dialed him right back before sitting down on the edge of my bed and making a pact with myself to not utter a word to him about this current little issue.

I'd tell him when I was ready whenever that may be but most likely after I had handled it. I knew if I even brought it up in a conversation, he'd try to talk me into keeping it but overall this was my body, my choice, my future. I didn't give two shits about whether or not if he took part in creating it.

"Wussup?" he finally answered in a dry tone after the third ring.

"Hey, I saw you called." I expressed grimly with sleep still evident in my voice.

"Long night?" His query had a suspicious hint to it and I knew exactly what he was getting at.

Jay had a habit of questioning me a lot more after our little incident at least a month ago. While I figured we were moving ahead, he had his little moments as did I but I rarely said what was on my mind in contrast to him. I could tell when he missed me though because he'd ask a million questions about how I was spending my free time and with who. It wasn't quite as obsessive as it sounds but just normal boyfriend behavior I guess.

"Don't start. I just woke up."

"It's almost 2:00 Bee, whatchu doin just getting outta bed- you party too hard again?"

"No, I just went to sleep late."

"What's late? I called you around 11 and you aint pick up."

At 11, I was still buried under the covers and pillows crying my eyes out. My sobs alone were overbearing enough to drown out the faint buzzing from my phone, I'm sure.

"I was in the shower around that time."

"Ok...so between then and the time you laid down to go to sleep you didn't think to look at your phone?"