Redneck Crazy

Hospital Walls

My room seemed different and dad was no where in sight when I walked through the door. I packed clothes for four days and grabbed my toothbrush with unsteady hands. My mind wandered to the ghostly look on Joshua's face and I collapsed onto my bed. Putting my head in my hands; I cried.

I am not sure how much time passed before I finally gathered myself and was able to think. I walked into the bathroom and splashed water on my face. Putting my hands on the edges of the sink, I watched the water flow from the faucet. Never changing. So unlike life. It seems like that is all my life is doing lately.

After my eyes are no longer puffy and red rimmed, I grab my bag and keys then walk to my car.

The whole ride to the hospital I blared music and drowned myself in my own self pity. I wrote a whole speak of what I'd say when I got the chance. If I got the chance. My heart ached and I couldn't help but think of the things I could have done so this never happened.

When I reached his room, the door stood ajar and his family was gathered around his bed. I tried to think of what to say to them to explain myself but, everything I came up with was stupid and I knew they'd never buy it. Instead, I decide to lie again. Walking into the room, I place my bag next to his bed and watch as his family turns to me.

Taking a deep breath, I look them in the eye. "You must be Joshua's family. I'm his fiance." I knew I'd regret it but I didn't have time to explain the whole situation.

His moms eyes flashed and I seen anger in her small features. Her high cheek bones didn't seem to match her small features. "Who do you think you are? He never mentioned a girlfriend. Much less a fiancé!" I never flinched as her hateful words were thrown at Me. Her husband took her in his arms and whispered something in her ear then her features softened.

After a few hours with his family, I learned that his mom does real estate and his dad is a politician. His sister was in college to become a nurse and his brother was in the Marines. I listened to childhood stories and laughed as his moms eyes filled with tears of joy. His brother, who's name is Kyle, shared a story of when Joshua was small and had his first girlfriend. His eyes held pride for his little brother and I watched as his wife patted his arm affectionately.

His younger sister, Madeline kept looking at me and finally she said, "You seem like you really care about Josh." I looked around us at her family and realize they have their own stories they are sharing with each other. "I do care about him. I just wish I would have told him a lot more." I whisper to her. Looking over at Joshua, pain invades in my chest and I take his hand in mine. Madeline rubs my back swiftly then pulls away quickly when her mother glares at her. As the day progresses, Madeline moves away from me and then they all leave.

Alone with Joshua, I climb onto the bed with him and curl myself against him. "There's so much that you should know. I feel so alone, Joshua. I need you here and right now, I Don't know what to do.. I'm not going to leave your side.. I promise.." His heart rate picked up and I knew he had heard me. I laid my head on his chest and wiped my tears away silently.