Labyrinth | ✓

s e c o n d ♂

Depression.

Every time my thoughts were about Lynn or something relating to her, a twinge of depression plucked my heartstrings. Memories of both her childhood and teenage years slowly seeped into my brain like streams, inducing intense nostalgia. I recalled her heartwarming smile and her soft, but haunting laughs.

I was about to finish the last piece of the chicken schnitzel, but my appetite had dropped too low. I ate the french fries as some sort of a booster, but it didn't really help that much. I decided to abandon the remains of the food, while trying to hold back the wavering feeling of nausea.

Seb and I had come to a conclusion that we will visit her grave tomorrow morning. He seemed to be worried about my condition, though, since I was in a trance most of the time. He had asked me whether I'm alright a couple of times, and I have to continually say that I'm fine.

I was lowering my head, staring hard at both of my legs. I was playing with my fingernails, attempting to pull out some dirt away. On the other side, I noticed that my arms started shaking. I tried to hide it from being too obvious, but it appears that Seb had caught my involuntary actions before I do. 

"Remember that it's not your fault, Ed." He abruptly said this, and quite frankly, it surprised me. "I can see that you're still carrying so much guilt and burden. Lynn's not going to be happy if you're still stuck with the past instead of moving on."

"I know, I know." I grumbled, distracting him from saying even more words. I didn't wander my stare towards him; just fixed to my lap.  "I'm just... upset about it."

"Well... I don't want to be a huge hypocrite on this one," Seb nervously smiled, "so... I admit that I'm also still upset about her passing. I looked at my old photos in my room and when she was there, I feel hollow inside."

I didn't comment anything about his story, and just return with cleaning my nails once more. Even without any words, I can easily relate to his situation. It was not just an empty heart, but also a sharp pang of pain. Then, there will be this feeling where you just want to go back in time, and prevent every problem that I had caused when Lynn was still alive.

"Ed?" Seb called, and my eye automatically trailed towards him. "Have you told Ren or Alyssa about tomorrow?"

"Not yet. I'm about to." I replied, as I pulled out my phone out of the pocket. From the peripheral of my vision, I can see that Seb was signalling a server to close the bill.

After I went scrolled down through the sea of contacts until I see Rena's name. I clicked it, and her message board popped up. The last time I talked with her was just a few days ago, as seen in the messages. I last saw her during the school's summer festival right before the holidays, and until now, we haven't had the chance to meet.

As I was about to type, yet a strange but familiar feeling that I can't describe conquered me. I always sensed this whenever I was texting her, talking with her, or even getting close to her.

Rena.

Seb and I are going to Lynn's grave tomorrow. Are you able to come? You can invite Alyssa too.

For no reason, I felt really safe and comfortable being around her. She was the one who had fended for me during those darkest times. She was the one who always listened carefully when I told her all about my pathetic stories. She was there whenever I need someone to talk with, but everyone was busy.

Most of all, I would never forget that time with her in the Ferris wheel. I thought back on how she had kissed me in the forehead. That was when the feeling I had been experiencing first emerged.