Labyrinth | ✓

f o r t y - t h i r d ♂️

Sunday, 04:34 AM.

Restless.

My mind had been restless the entire night. Attempts of subduing them were a complete failure. I rolled over my bed a lot of times just to attain an ideal position.  I managed to catch some sleep, though my stupid flashbacks kept driving them away, which brought me back to reality. It was like they wanted me to keep my guard high, even if I knew there was nothing to be fussed about.

I wrapped my arms around my folded feet, locking them up in place. I didn't want to see some shit again, so I decided to face the other way instead.

The hole inside of me had grown so large, that I could just feel like the cold air passing through me. Every second, the hollowness that had been occupying most of my body became distinct.

Consequently, I felt even emptier than before. All the emotions I had been bottling ended up devouring every of my insides, thus making me feel numb.

Wrapping myself around my blanket, I listened to the soft, chirping sounds of crickets just outside the window. There, I began to ponder, how easy life was if I were to live like them. The only things they did were singing, eating, sleeping and moving around, and that was it. Physical needs were their top priority; they couldn't care less about mental issues and what the others were thinking.

They're having a good time of their life, and they don't need to go through so much shit. I thought, clenching both of my hands. Ah, I wish my life was like them...

There was a scratchy feeling inside my throat, which became painful as I swallowed. It continously demanded me to get some water, but it meant that I should go downstairs, to which I had no mood too. In the end, I tried using my own saliva as some sort of replacement.

It worked at first, but only for a short period. The next thing I knew, I was coughing so hard. I realized that I really have to drink something to ease it, or else it will keep on bothering me.

Besides, I barely drank any water.

I forced myself out of the bed, going against my body's wishes. Due to their refusal to move, I staggered for a bit and almost losing my momentum, but I managed to maintain it. Breathing heavily, I slowly walked to the door, stumbling upon some clothes I had thrown off without attention.

When I reached the door, I quietly opened it, not to make any squeaky noises. Even if my room was dark, the light from the moon was still able to that slip through, so it was quite dim compared to the hallway. I blew off another sigh and stepped out of my comfort spot, closing the door behind me, then started walking.

I have to keep my gaze straight for the stairs, even if I thought I just saw something darted by at the corner of my vision. I won't bother checking them out anymore; they were not worthed my time.

They were all trying to distract me out of my course and drag me into the realms of insanity. I have to try not minding them, because if they won, I won't be able to recover back my mundane life. Going to a mental institution is definitely NOT in my bucket list of places to visit.

Stepping down the stairs, my ears picked up some snoring sounds. They came from my parents' room, which slightly disrupt the dead silence that had befallen the entire house. It was probably Father's.

Their door was improperly closed, so from the narrow gap, I could see both Father and Mother passed out on the bed. As usual, Father peacefully slept while facing Mother, with her back on him, seemingly embracing her on his arms. Seeing him, though, reminded me of the conversation we had, and how he hugged me when he found out about my 'nightmare'.