Labyrinth | ✓

t h i r t y - e i g h t h ♂

Friday, 09:58 AM.

Lost.

Ever since the unexpected scene with Alyssa, I was completely lost within the darkness of my mind. The despair that grew within me had become fairly larger than before, blocking some parts of my thought process. I felt so empty and void, as if something had bored a vast hole within my body.

Every of her heartbroken words was just a stab to my gut. I still remembered her face as she left me to drown in my guilt. She was mad about how I had left everyone after that day, and how selfish I was. She was probably also mad about being called Buttercup, because I didn't really answer her properly. Most importantly, she was even envious of her own best friend...

...just like between Seb and I.

Thinking about it... Florence's words started to make sense. She knew that Alyssa had feelings for me and was secretly jealous of Rena. She was oblivious of such fact, and since Alyssa didn't want to hurt her, she masked it behind her cheery attitude. That's why Florence called her a two-faced friend.

She also compared Alyssa to Seb, whom I knew she had a crush on. However, Seb had feelings for Rena, and Florence, being the first one aware of him, must likely be bothered with it, so she rendered her own friend as pitiful, when she was one herself.

Friends are sure complicated...

As usual, I've been lying in my bed for hours, and the last time I moved my ass was because I went to the toilet to piss. I pulled my knees closer to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, then sank my head between them.

My mentality had been slowly peeling off, especially after Alyssa's revelation and of course, the monsters of the past that didn't stop leaving me alone. The more it stripped off, the more vulnerable my mindset had become. If this continued, I might eventually become deranged.

I stiffened up muscles, and squinted my eye. All I wanted to do was just to have fun, especially with Rena, throughout this holiday. I could even use this opportunity to get even closer to her. Happiness was the only thing I wanted throughout these days and nothing more, but I guess fate didn't like it placed on my life.

It decided to throw in my past that I wanted to forget, secrets and shit. It was as if I was tied up, and the chains were pulling every limbs I had, and the time it tore off, the agony was intense, but it was the exactly same amount of pain my mind was experiencing. Well, they always said mental pain hurts more, and it was one of the reasons why I was mostly numb.

There were a few moments where I thought I was finally free, only to be strapped down again. I didn't even have the time to cherish those memories, before I could, I would instantly be back on the abyss. A fragment of the past would play inside my head, and I would always have a mental breakdown. No matter how much I tried to escape back to my mundane life, I would always fail and get dragged back.

Can't I just take a break from all of this shit? I gritted my teeth.

The most important thing though, was that I have to make sure no one noticed my true condition. If they did, they would be thinking about some things I didn't want them to know. Well, Rena had known most of it, especially when she witnessed my episodes and my breakdown, but I...

The blare of my phone's ringtone made my skin crawl. I broke out from my fetal position, and crept over to the phone on my nightstand, seeing the caller. When I read out the name, I swallowed every breath I was taking, especially when I was thinking about her earlier. I decided to answer her call, albeit with reluctance.

"Hello."

"Hey Ed! I hope t-this is the perfect time to call you." Her gentle, subdued voice filled my ears, which never failed to make my insides melt. Her signature stutterings always reminded me that it was, indeed, her, all along, and not someone else.