Labyrinth | ✓

t w e n t y - f i r s t ♂

Warmth.

I always loved being doused with warmth, and it usually happened when I buried myself underneath my bed covers. Getting such feeling was one of the rare times where I would feel like the world was on my side. My mind would also be calm, safe and sound. I could put my feelings in place as well, minimizing any unwanted thoughts from the past.

Usually, this technique always worked, although it might take over the course of a few hours. This time, however, the warmness I gained wasn't at its maximum, and I have no clue why. I had covered my head with my blanket, retracting my knees closer to my chest in a fetal position. I tried to make myself as comfortable as possible, but... something was missing...

I can't find any sort of clues that could give me an idea about this object that could close in the gap. Whether it was a tangible thing or not, I still have no idea. In the end, my heart was pretty much hollow, as if someone bored a hole through it. At other times, I just felt like an empty plastic bag, drifting through the wind after being thrown away by some stranger.

What is this thing... that am I missing?

Is it something important?

Is it something that I must have?

Is it the feeling of happiness?

... or is it the need for someone else?

At the last one, I swallowed my saliva that was pooling inside my mouth as my skin tightened up. It could be anyone around me, and I was sure that it was either one of my family members, or my friends. Contemplating further, one particular name eventually popped up, but I saw no surprises in there.

Maybe, she's the answer of what I am looking for...?

In reality, the answer to that was a big fat yes. Some unknown force had driven me to desperately want her company, especially after all that drama. She was completely willing to give me her spare time, and she was the only one that I could vent to. My heart warmed up and my stomach shamelessly fluttered whenever I sensed her presence. Her gentle, soft voice had always melted me, putting me under her spell.

I pictured her as she merrily twirled around, wearing some sort of a sleeveless cream dress, decorated with black patterns. Her face was in a brilliant color, and her sapphire eyes glittered with joy. She had her hand on her large straw hat, which was decorated with a pink ribbon. As her gaze met mine, she threw me a wide smile and let out a giggle.

Rena...

I clenched my hand on my head, and forced myself to rummage through my mind for any related information. While doing so, I flipped to the other side of the bed, so that I would be facing the wall.

Regardless of her compliance, I shrugged her offer off, despite my guts' call for her help. Not because I didn't want her to know my feelings, it was because I didn't want to bring her into problems that she shouldn't be experiencing. I didn't want to bother her and make her so concerned about me because of my stupid emotions. I wanted her to enjoy her holidays without pondering too much about me.

Besides, hiding my feelings were much easier to compared to revealing them. I wanted to prove to Rena and the others that I'm capable of going through shit alone. I wanted to show them that I'm strong enough, and that nothing is seriously bothering me. Sometimes, I ended up failing because some waves of emotions were just too great, but it didn't mean I shouldn't try again.

I buried my face into my pillow, finding myself shivering for no reason. White blurred spots then began to adorn my darkened vision. I embraced my arms around my bolster, trying to not remember anything and simply relax.