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f o r t y - n i n t h ♂️

Monday, 04:27 AM.

Breathe.

The moment I found myself conscious, I was having a difficult time to breathe. It was as if something was preventing air from entering my nose nor my mouth. My throat was constricting as well, which worsen the situation, depriving me out of oxygen. No matter how much I was rapidly breathing, nothing worked. I coughed and hacked, trying my best to obtain at least some air.

Akh... I can't breathe... This made me instinctively shot up, and almost immediately, painful headaches stabbed through me. The back of my eye burned with might as I felt it tear open.

Everything's spinning round...

...and round...

..and round...

I could feel my body soaked with so much sweat, that it formed a pool underneath. My fingers were cramped from clenching too long When I tasted bile on the back of my mouth, I clamped my mouth to swallow them back, but I couldn't hold the urge any longer. They were already accumulating inside my mouth.

I jumped off whatever I was in, but due to the sudden motion, my muscles weren't ready, so instead of landing perfectly, my back made a contact with the hard ground. My backbone screamed at the impact, causing me to let out an unavoidable cry. Despite so, I tried to ignore the pain and struggled to stand up. I immediately ambled fast towards where my instincts were taking me, not bothering to see around me.

What I knew, I ended up sitting near a toilet bowl, and that was when I finally couldn't keep it inside anymore. I didn't care where exactly I vomitted, at least I had let them out. I watched as the remaining contents of my stomach cascaded into the toilet, until what I could see was water. When I gradually stopped, I kept coughing, spitting out some saliva. Some got into my bangs, but... I wasn't focused on that...

I used my diminishing energy to extend my hand and pressed the flush button. I was panting like I had been on a marathon while I listened to the loud noises of my toilet washing my vomit away. I still couldn't take the air in properly, though, and ended up having my hands on my neck.

Sweat dripped from my chin, and I could even taste the salty tears on the upper part of my lips. There, I slowly began to remember what had happened previously. It was just another nightmare, but it felt like it was so real and that it could happen to me. It was where he... drove his fucking scissors through... both of my eyes...

"I have seen a lot of dazzling eyes, Chris... but I never seen those as bluest as yours. So perfect, exactly what I wanted." I choked on the memory of his haunting voice and laughter. My vision blurred as hot tears began streaming down my face. My sobs were cracking apart as I helplessly lie down on the bathroom ground, pulling my knees to my chest. I was shaking so uncontrollably and vigorously.

Literally every parts of my body hurt. I couldn't move an inch without afflicting them. My heart felt like being crushed by tons of blocks over and over until it broke. My stomach was forcefully twisted into knots, churning so badly that nausea was taking all over me again. There was no more leftovers to throw up, so I ended up coughing nothing.

There was no one comforting me now. My family had given up on me, my friends were all gone, and even I couldn't do it myself. I had pushed all of them away from my personal problems, whom all started because of me. Not just those, but the others included... the fights, the drama, everything... and the worse of all: I build and constructed a machine that ended up killing my childhood friend.

I noticed that all of these things happened whenever I was around.

I was involved in every mess.