Labyrinth | ✓

f i f t y - f i r s t ♂️

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Honestly, I didn't even know what I was doing until something knocked me into realization.

I just broke down in front of Raphael without second thoughts. Not only that, but I straight up yelled at him, when he could have hack me apart had I not stop shouting like an idiot. I couldn't even think logically anymore, and all of my actions were driven by my boiling emotions.

I should have been able to control my temper, but I couldn't. If only I was serious about my intentions, then Raphael will properly end my life. Lashing out at him won't do anything good.

I abruptly forced myself to stop crying like a baby, and clamped my mouth shut to choke on my sobs. My legs had given into the numbness, and I couldn't even walk normally, so I slowly crawled to the railings, and plopped near it. I decided to lean against it as well.

Nothing was comfortable and safe anymore, not even my safe haven at home. Everything was purely riddled by my memories of what had happened, and that they all came to life.

I never thought of walking straight towards Raphael without an ounce of fear, in the first place. Considering the fact that he was one of the biggest triggers of the past but here I was, sitting beside the person responsible for all the pain, my common sense was long gone.

I was prepared for death to just come and snatch my life away, but it never did. Instead, it mocked and ridiculed me, wanting me to be tormented even more. It was overjoyed seeing me being tortured again and again, until there was nothing left inside of me. I quietly sniffed as I slowly controlled my breaths, wiping the stupid tears off that had pooled inside my eye. Due to the breeze that directly hit me, my body shivered as some sort of a self-defense mechanism.

Raphael stood there, not moving a single inch, nor did he try to lay a hand upon me. Taking a glimpse, I saw his eyes darkening, and his face was screaming distress. From the corner of my vision, though, his figure was drawing near me, little by little. Shockingly, I sensed no fear, even when he was merely a foot away from me. I made out how his tongue gradually moistened his lips and how his fingers slightly squirmed. There were still no signs of fight-or-flight response from deep within myself, just... complete apathy.

Had I really gone... completely insane? I folded my legs and pulled them closer to my chest, hugging them as tight as I could. I decided to bury my face between them. The answers and its evidences were pretty easy to figure out, after all: it was by how I think and act. I was the definition of someone going nuts, and as my sister had said, I was like that one escapee straight from an asylum.

Well, she was right.

I shouldn't have denied the truth, but I chose not to face it.

"Sorry, Chris... I don't know you were suffering this much... and sorry that I couldn't do anything..." Raphael mumbled, as I felt his eyes resting on me. I didn't budge for a bit, trying not to draw any attention towards him. He had apologized too much, that I had lost count, and clearly uttering an apology won't change anything.

It was all too late.

"Well, I know my apologies are meaningless by now, but... there's nothing much I could do... and so it's the only thing I am capable of." Regardless, it seemed that he read my mind like a script, proved by his explanation. He also had some ragged breaths. "Yes, I do want to help restore your sight, Chris... but my sister said that it's not gonna happen... I learned that it's impossible to do a complete eye transplant, and it had something to do with your optic nerve... or whatever it is, but... you get my point."