The Advice Column I

Sixty-Three

Advice Request
This person isn't comfortable with her friends liking her ex, but at the same time wants to be supportive of them.

Answered Submission
I am glad you chose us to talk about it, dear. As you said, this is a pretty confusing situation, but I'd like to remind you that you are only 12 years old, and this is not the end of the world. Your main worries are about being abandoned by your friends. I suggest you give dating a rest for now and go on doing other things. Be supportive of your best friend, and be nice to your guy friend, but don't do anything you are uncomfortable doing. I am happy that you don't want to lead your friend on when you still have feelings for your ex—this shows you are a caring person. I suggest you distance yourself from the mess surrounding your girl best friend and your ex. Let her make her move, and let him give his response. If he agrees to date her, then smile and be supportive. If he doesn't, then give hugs and support to your best friend. Tell your guy friend that you need time before you start dating again because you don't want to disclose the real reason, and that's okay. We don't have to tell everyone everything. If your ex really likes you, he will make a move to get back. If he doesn't, and you feel like there is some unfinished business there, then confront him about it. But if he is dating your friend, then forget the confrontation, and move on. His dating her would be an answer in itself. You don't want your friend to hold her feelings back, but you don't want her to date your ex either; that is a dilemma, and only you have the answer. Can you see them dating and being happy together? I know it would hurt, but would you be able to move on? The thing about love is we cannot control who falls in love with whom or how. What we can control is how we act on it. Who is more important to you—your friend or your love? You also said there were trust issues between you and your ex. Are you sure you can go back to dating him and getting caught back up in his trust issues? Only you can make these decisions, and all we can do is advise you on how to make those decisions. So I would ask you to analyze the situation and give priority to what is more important to you—your ex or your best friend. And remember, you are only 12 years old, and you have a lifetime ahead of you to explore and find love. Good luck!