The Advice Column I

Ninety-Six

Advice Request
This person is shy and would like to know how to start conversations with people.

Answered Submission
Not all people are effective speakers for many different reasons. Because of this, many of us need to learn how to become effective speakers. This is a great skill to learn and take advantage of, so start as soon as possible.

There are many ways to overcome shyness. Some ways work on some people while other ways don't. I'll lay down some methods for you, and I hope you find them helpful. If you don't benefit from them, then I encourage you to keep searching for other methods so you can finally find out what best works for you.

First thing's first: Gain confidence. What does this mean? It means many things, but it all comes down to one important thing: Own yourself. Every human is an individual. Individuality means originality. This means that your unique and totally different from everyone else because you have the capability of being an independent person. Be proud of this! Constantly remind yourself that you can be and do what you want to because you have every right to as an individual. Over time, you'll naturally remember that have every right and capability to be confident!

If you're confident, then that means you can talk to people freely. Know that there's no reason why you, as a unique individual, should not be able to start a conversation with someone and anyone—even if that someone is your crush.

Constant reminder of confidence, however, is not the solution. That's just a side trick. The real deal is to gain confidence, meaning you need to put yourself in situations where you can have the opportunity to learn how to be confident!

How can you do this?

1. Start small by going go out a little more often!

2. Observe people's behavior and body language (especially confident people) when you go out so you can get an idea of how you'd like to be one day.

3. Compare your behavior and body language to those people's behavior and body languages. Note the similarities and differences between you and them. What are your weaknesses? What about your strengths?

4. Continue to practice your strengths as you start to flip your weaknesses into strengths.

5. Start having a small and quick conversation with the people around you as practice.

6. Once you're ready, start to develop nice, long, and effective conversations.

7. Make one to two new friends, and practice your conversation skills on them! Let them help you out whenever you need help.

8. Talk to your crush once you feel ready.

9. Don't ever stop practicing! The more you practice, the better you'll get.

10. Always keep in mind that change does not happen overnight. You need to work on developing this skill. It can take you anywhere from weeks to months to even years, but you know what's most important? Keep on trying, and keep on trying hard!

If you ever feel too shy, don't isolate yourself. Instead, try to push yourself out of your comfort zone.

There's a significant difference between being shy and having social anxiety, but this can still help if you need it:
https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2015/05/31/7-ways-to-overcome-shyness-and-social-anxiety/

As for starting conversations, you can start by asking people about their interests or hobbies. For example, you may hear that they're in cheer leading, so, one day, you can go up to them and ask them about how cheer leading is going. They might ask you about your interests too...and if they don't? You can just state it anyway! You might figure out that you have a common hobby. Or maybe you both have the same favorite movie, game, or bakery—anything. You can talk about anything and everything that crosses your mind, really. That's how conversations pretty much work.

We hope this helps.

Have a great day!

The Advice Column Team