The Advice Column I

Eighty

Advice Request
A person close to the requester is being used.

Answered Submission
I would like to ask you if you are absolutely sure that your friend is being used. Maybe you perceive the situation like that, but your friend is comfortable with it. After all, we can never truly understand the dynamics between two people other than those involving ourselves. So, please analyze the situation again, and be at least 80 percent sure that your friend is being used.
If they are, then talk to them. Do they know they are being used, or are they in their blissful-ignorance phase? You have to be very careful while you try to confront them because they may not take it well; in fact, he/she may believe you to be the bad person, initially. Be patient. When they get out of their denial phase, then give them the proper support. It is vital that you tell them they are being used, and show them the signs. It may well be that they are already aware of the abuse but do not want to lose the friendship with the abuser, hence they would do anything to please them. I need you to be very calm when you confront this friend of yours, as the situation is very sensitive. You need to gather powerful points to convince your friend of the situation. You need to make her see how she is in an unhealthy friendship and how it will harm her in the long run. Tell her that friendships are meant to be two sided—one person alone cannot make any sort of relation work in a healthy manner.

In the end, I would ask you to prepare yourself for being held in doubt by your friend. Whenever we try to help the people we love, they almost always look at us with accusations. Maybe it's a test of our love or their love, but it is a very cruel one. I want you to remember at all times that you love this person, and everyone gets a little hurt on the path to love. Making someone believe they are being used by a trusted one is not an easy feat. Just remember, no matter how pure our intentions, maybe we can never make someone see what they don't want to believe.  So, no matter what happens, don't be disheartened by it.

As always, our advice team wishes you all the best and hopes your friend comes out successfully.

With love,

The Advice Column Team.