The Advice Column I

134

Advice Request
This person rejected a guy, so he is starting to bother her and turning her friends against her.

Answered Submission
Hey, darling!

It's wonderful that you came to us for advice, and as luck may have it, we've definitely got some for you.

The first thing I want to assure you is that you are not a horrible person in no way shape or form, and this is absolutely the farthest thing from your fault. Never has it been a crime to refuse a date with someone, and never does it ever warrant unnecessary harassment and guilt over the rejection. What was supposed to happen was for him to accept your response but continue to be amiable with you, which obviously, is not the case. Now that I've cleared that up, let me get to the actual advice.

Think of this whole situation as one big tangled knot of necklaces. You understand how tangled a bunch of necklaces can get and how frustrating it can be to try and separate them all, right? That's exactly how this situation seems. You need to start off by targeting one problem, or necklace, at a time and slowly sorting things out until everything is back to the way it should be.

First, confront your friends. Ask them why they are choosing to take his side over yours when you are the one who has been their friend for a long time. Clarify that, while the boy is hurt, you never intended to do so, nor did you ever express an interest in him and then simply dupe him. He isn't the victim here, but at the same time, neither are you. Get their opinions on the matter and try and hear out their side of the story too. You surely can't have heard exactly what lies he has been feeding them, so you need to listen and THEN respond based off of what you have heard.

Second, block the guy. Completely. Shut him out of social media; that means turning your profiles private. Block his number from your phone.

Third, take two of your most trusted friends to back you up as you confront him. Tell him everything that you have told me. Tell him how you understand that he really likes you and how you know that the rejection hurt, but that shouldn't make him go to such lengths. It won't make you like him. In fact, it makes you upset to simply be around him. Tell him that you would still like to be friends if that option is on the table. If he starts to go after you, make sure your friends understand what you are feeling and are strong enough to respond on your behalf. Choose the two friends who aren't afraid of confrontation and will persist if necessary. If this still doesn't work, and he is still obsessed with you, do two things:

1. Talk to a peer counselor or school therapist and tell them the whole story. They will know how to act from there.

2. Which brings me to the second thing—make sure you tell them to switch you out of all classes you share with him because you don't feel comfortable around him anymore.

I really hope this works out for you! I wish you the best of luck because I hope you are under no misconception that this will be easy. It won't be, but that's alright, because I can already tell that you're a fighter and that you'll push through it all.

With all our love,

The Advice Column Team