The Advice Column I

149

Advice Request

This person feels useless and has began to pity herself  

Answered Submission

Hello,

At one point or another, a lot of people go through a similar situation to yours—feeling like a useless person. However, everyone experiences it differently. Some people have it worse than others due to differing mental and physical health states, among other countless factors.

For you, you have become suicidal because of it. I urge you to tell your family about this as soon as possible because it is not a matter that can be taken lightly.

Seek help from a professional. I know you know how important it is to seek help from trusted adults and professionals during situations like this. Professionals are trained to help people, and they will know the best way to help you when it comes to suicidal thoughts.

Reach out to trusted adults. This doesn't have to only be your parents. You could talk to a school teacher who you know cares about you or even the school counselor. Look for the right people who really care for you and will want to help you. Share your thoughts and problems with them because bottling your feelings inside you for a long time is dangerous. And I know your friend is away for the moment, but if it's possible, you can talk also about it with your close friend.

Would it help if you to think back to the first time you had this feeling? What triggered you to feel this way? What happened? It is important to find the source of where everything first originated, and try to solve the problem from there.

It would also be good to list down the things that you think make you a useless person. Is there something on the list that could be changed? For example, say you want to score higher grades. Do the homework, and study for tests to try to achieve this. Even if you fail at raising the grades to what you want, it doesn't mean you're useless. Failing something does not make you useless. Failure is just another step towards success. You can show the list you made to the people who care such as your family or even professionals that would help you.

You mentioned to us that you don't feel as inadequate as you do when talking with us. I can only think of one possible factors as to why you feel like you are useless. You want to be the best in the eyes of people that you love, and because of that, maybe you have put a high expectation on yourself—higher than normal. Having high expectations isn't a bad thing, but don't be too harsh on yourself. Treat yourself like you would treat the people that you love—with utmost care! <3

It's okay to not know how to deal with things. It doesn't make you useless if you don't know what to do. Right now, you probably don't know how to deal with little things because of everything that has been going on in your mind.

From your story, I can safely say your parents love you—a lot. You probably know that already, but sometimes it feels different hearing it from someone else. I know most parents love their children, and your parents are not an exception.

When your parents insist that they are proud of you, they show how much they care for you. This brings us to my next point: you somehow refused to listen to what they had been saying. I know it's hard to accept that, especially with everything that is going on in your head, but let's try one thing.

• Write down good things your parents have said to you (for example, the time your parents said they're proud of you). Put it somewhere that you can read it every day, and every time you read it, try to look at yourself and smile confidently. Let that smile spread through your body. The power of a smile is amazing and, personally, it works whenever I feel down.

You like Twenty øne piløts. Why not vent out some of your bottled feelings through their awesome songs? Do some silly dance move. Sing to it the way you like it. I know it's not very serious advice, but we all need some fun time, right?

Despite the fact that you feel bad about yourself and think that you are a useless person, I think you are a very kind and nice person who has a very big, caring heart. You didn't follow your suicidal thoughts because you care about the effects that suicide would have on your family. Even through your troubled times, you still think of your family. With your big heart, it may be that, unknowingly, you are actually making people around you feel better. You are not useless. You are an amazing person with a big heart who loves her younger sister and her friend. Maybe you don't feel yourself right now, but, I repeat, you are an amazing person with a big heart.

Stay strong, Dear. I know you want to get better with you reaching out to us, and we, the Advice Column Team, pray that you will get better.

I don't think someone useless would try to do the same thing you're doing right now. Reaching out to us is you helping yourself, and that's definitely not a behaviour of someone useless.

Because of that, I'm proud of you. We, the Advice Column Team, are proud of you.

I'm sorry if this a very long post, but I wish you the best of luck.

With love,

The Advice Column Team