The Advice Column I

192

Advice Request
This person has been experiencing a few problems because of a crush.

Answered Submission
Hi there,

First of all, I'm glad that you managed to make new friends. It can be difficult to make new friends, sometimes, but you overcame that difficulty and found yourself forming friendships again. Good for you!

I just want to point out that it's absolutely fine that you like your friend's brother because we can't control our feelings. Naturally, it must hurt that he likes someone else, and that might be why you feel a bit depressed about the situation as well. However, it's not your mistake that you told your brother; it's actually your brother's mistake of telling other people about something you trusted him with. Your brother broke your trust which is also why you feel a bit down. Tell him that you feel let down by what he told those people.

I advise you speak to with your friend and try to help her understand the feelings you have towards her brother. She might seem angry at you because she might just be protective over him. Explain to her what you like about her brother and that you never meant for your feelings to happen, neither did you want to hurt her or upset her. Explain to her how her being upset at you is making you feel depressed about the situation, and, if you can, then tell her how you are fighting the urge to self harm. Let her know of your history and past relationship with self harm from your old friendships. Tell her that you're afraid that this situation will result in losing your friendship with her. If she understands how much she is upsetting you, then her feeling upset toward you might ease a little. Also, give your friend a chance to explain how she feels about the situation because it might all be a case of misunderstanding each other's feelings.

I also think that, because you have said that you know self harm is bad, it shows that you are stronger than you think and that knowledge and understanding will help you because it might mean that you won't self harm because you are aware of the dangers and the outcome of it. This is wonderful. Be proud!

One more thing: do you remember at the start of this piece of advice I mentioned how difficult making new friends can be but you overcame that difficulty? Well, this is the same situation. You're worried about what will happen and that history might repeats itself, but remember that you overcame (in my opinion) one of the most difficult situations in life, and that was making new friends. You are so strong and rave to the point where you'll get through this difficult situation as well.

Stay safe and strong!

The Advice Column Team