The Advice Column I

150

Advice Request

This person has mixed feelings towards their mother. 

Answered Submission

Hi there,

Some people are born with a personality that doesn't like being ordered around by others. You are among those people.

It is normal to not like it when people order us around as if they're telling us how to live our lives. However, right now, you might have to compromise your hatred towards being told what to do and what not to do.

I don't know what sort of things your mother has told you to do and not to do, but here's some advice on it:

• If one of the things she told you to do is related to house chores, there's nothing else that you can do other than just do as she has told you. As a child of your parents, it is nice to help them in house chores because you are a part of the family, and every family member has the responsibility to make sure the household is in shape. But, to avoid being told by her to do it every single time, which you said is something you don't like, you can do things before she even asks you.

• If it's the case where she controls every aspect of your life by telling you what classes to take, or what to do in your future (for example, "be a doctor when you grow up"), or even what hobbies you should have, it would be best if you have a serious talk with her. Tell her what you want to do, and let her know that forcing you to be something else won't do any good for you, even though her intentions could possibly be good. You can try to ask for help from your father or any other trusted adult about this because she can't force interest.

• If the things that she told you to do and not to do are other things like, for example, "you can't go hang out at the beach after five in the afternoon," then try to think from your mother's perspective. This kind of thing may annoy you, but you have to ask "why is she telling me this and that?" It could be that she's stopping you from hanging out at the beach after five because of the dangers that could be lurking during that time. I know this isn't what she told you, but I am trying to give you an example of things.

However, if you think that some of your mother's requests seem a little bit irrational or too overboard, you can always try to reason with her about it, but remember to try to think and see things through her eyes while reasoning with her.

I don't think you really hate your mother; it just seems so right now because you have all these frustrations towards her behaviour bottled up inside you, and it has resulted in negative thoughts playing out through your mind.

Lastly, I want you to know that you are not a horrible person. Only good people feel guilt, and you are feeling it right now.

I hope this helps.

With love,

The Advice Column Team