A Weirdos Guide To Swag

the magic machine

a man named Billy complained to his friend that his elbow hurt really badly. his friend said that there was a machine at the drug store down the street that could tell you what was wrong for $10 and a urine sample. Billy figures he has nothing to lose so he collects a urine sample from himself and goes to the machine in the corner of the drug store. the machine takes the $10 accepts the sample and prints out a sheet of paper and the papers says:

you have Tennis Elbow

soak it in warm water for an hour each night and every morning and avoid much physical activity until it is healed.

thank you for shopping at Phil's Drug Store!

the man decides to have some fun with the machine that night he takes a urine sample from his dog, a sample from his wife and sample from his teenage daughter. he mixes the samples with some tap water, puts them in a jar and goes down to the drug store. he gives the machine e$10 and the sample and waits for the paper to print. and the paper says:

your tap water is too hard, get a water softer.

your daughter is addicted to cocaine, get her to rehab.

your wife is pregnant with twin girls, they aren't yours, get a lawyer.

your dog has ringworm, bathe him in antifungal shampoo.

and if you keep messing around like this your tennis elbow will never heal.

Thank You For Shopping At Phil's Drug Store!