Everyone That You Left Behind ➳ Petekey (COMPLETE)

16: Two kids who can make more of a mess than their lives are already

I was worried. The reason why I'd had so many sex partners was because I had never been satisfied with my sex life. Maybe it's porn, maybe it's the media, maybe it's Hollywood, that glamourises sex to be something it's not. It had always made me feel down because sex just isn't like that in real life. But I hoped this would be different, different because I loved Mikey and I'd never loved anyone before. Maybe love was the key to perfect sex.

It had to be different with Mikey, I needed it to be. Not the same as every other guy I'd fucked and then tossed away like trash because they were all the same. I would just use people to satisfy myself for a split second, like cheap weed I guess, you use it to get high but you know it could taste so much better.

I was scared. What if having sex with Mikey was just like every other time, what if it were boring? My sex life had always been spent moving from one guy to another, looking for something, I'm not even sure what. I needed Mikey to have that something, something everyone else lacked. I didn't want to have to toss him away, I didn't want to let him go because he wasn't up to a certain standard. But that's the thing with me, if you can't reach a standard you're not worth my time, I wouldn't just keep Mikey around out of pity, if anything that's worse than getting rid of him. I didn't want to bring myself to get rid of him.

I didn't want to hurt Mikey, he'd been hurt bad before, he'd been through indescribable pain and I didn't want to cause any burdening memories to resurface, I didn't want what we had to just become a distant memory due to being replaced by causing him trauma. But he wanted this and so did I.

With sex, we all have our prime, and I knew I hadn't found mine yet. I needed a level of intimacy no one had yet provided me with. Yes, there's losing your virginity, but let's be real, that's just awkward and painful for everyone. Sex takes practice, and trust me when I say, I've had a lot of it. Sex describes something that words cannot, yet every person I have had sex with has broken what could have been an intimate silence, and sometimes, a silence is so much more powerful than noise.

All these thoughts were sending my head in a whirl of worry, anticipation, lust and desire. I reached out for Mikey and returned his fleet of kisses. Slowly he leaned back and lay down onto my bed, I gently placed my body on top of his creating a sense of warmth and preservation between us. Our lips remained locked, never searching for air as we were each others oxygen.

I breathed him in like second hand smoke, I had know idea what he was doing to me. It was as if he was smoke, he was blackening my lungs and taking over me, the newest cancer that had never looked better. I liked the feeling, the feeling of breathing in what could potentially be my own sweet demise.

I could feel the slight tug of Mikey's hands on the hem of my shirt, I obliged him as he assisted me in removing the unwanted article of clothing. The heat was intense that it felt so relieving to remove a layer. He tossed the shirt to the side exposing his vulnerable neck as he did so, I couldn't resist the opportunity to devour the sweet spot I had made moments earlier. He moaned from the suddenness grasping my hair tightly in his long fingers as I gently sucked the continuously growing hickey.

I rapidly tugged his shirt off, pulling away to do so, the cool air that was now between our separated bodies made me want to work as quickly as possible in order to return to our warm nurturing state. I tossed it aside like he had done with my own and so there were two t-shirts in a messy heap on the bedroom floor. I reattached my lips to his neck and left a soft trail of kisses as I pushed Mikey further into the cushioned mattress. Pressing my body against his. I could feel his ribs brush against mine which sent shivers down my spine.