Clique

First Step to Being Me

  Alec Pov- I stood in front of the hospital staring up at it frowning. I was supposed to be in there to meet Andrews doctor fifteen minutes ago, but I couldn't make myself go through the door. This was the last place I saw Andrew alive. Maybe if he continued his treatment here instead of letting me treat him, he would still be alive right now.

"You going to go in," a familiar female voice asked next to me, startling me a bit. I looked over seeing Catarina standing there. She was wearing her scrubs so I'm guessing she was getting ready for her shift of nursing.

"I have a meeting with Dr. Brown. He called me, saying he wanted to talk to me about something but I can't even make myself walk through the door. All I keep seeing is Andrew dying in my arms."

I looked at the building again before looking back at her. "Is it ever going to get easier? I'm still expecting him to just show up somewhere. I miss him." Catarina put her hand on my shoulder frowning, "it would be strange if you didn't miss him. He was your husband even if you didn't marry for love."

"I did love him... just not as much as I love Magnus," I sighed looking away shamefully. She pulled my face back toward her, looking in my eyes. "That doesn't make the love you did have for him insignificant. He knew you cared for him, you worked endlessly to save him."

"What good that did me. Do you see him standing here? If I was a real doctor I would have been able to save him. All the time I spent trying to find a cure was wasted." She frowned at that, "just because you couldn't save Andrew doesn't mean you can't save someone else. There could be someone in that hospital waiting for you to save them."

"I can't save anyone," I said softly, looking down at the ground. She frowned, rubbing my shoulder. "I have to get to work. I know it's hard but you should go in there and see Dr. Brown. I'm sure he wants to talk about your research."

With that she dropped her hand from my shoulder and walked into the hospital. I watched her thinking before sighing and going through the doors. When I got on the elevator, I held my breath trying not to lose my nerve and turn back.

The doors opened and I slowly let my breath out before getting out of the elevator and heading to his office down the hall. I glanced around the halls, being hit with memories of Andrew and I walking them and talking to some kids.

This was the child's floor since Dr. Brown usually works with children. He started working with Andrew at fourteen and was supposed to send him to a new doctor when he turned eighteen but he kept him on because his family didn't trust anyone else.

I stopped in front of his office, once again wondering if I should run away. Turning away from the door, I went to run but ran into someone causing me to stop in my tracks. I frowned looking up at who I ran into and my stomach dropped seeing it was Dr. Brown.

"There you are Alexander, I was starting to think you got lost. Shall we go into my office?" I swallowed before nodding, turning around and walking into his office. He followed, shutting the door behind him and walking around his desk to sit in his chair. I sat in the chair in front of his desk, glancing around the room.

"How have you been Alexander? I heard there's been a lot of drama over Andrew's life insurance?" I sighed nodding. "He left me a lot of money and his family feels cheated. I feel like all they care about is his money."

"Andrew's family always cared about him. Their just... interesting kinds of people. Money does matter a lot to them but so did Andrew," he said leaning back in his chair.

"They have a funny way of showing it," I mumbled, crossing my arms. He smiled slightly at me before saying, "any new progress on your research?" This caused me to frown. "Um... I don't think I'm going to be continuing my research."