That's What I Thought | s.m

Chapter Three

c h a p t e r t h r e e.
t h a t ' s w h a t i t h o u g h t.
m e l o d y r e a g a n.

I woke up in a small room with light blue walls and smelled of strong chemicals, like you would smell in a dentist. My head hurt and when I opened my eyes, they closed automatically. I couldn't remember much, but I did remember why I was here. I had another panic attack. I suffer from anxiety and depression, and tend to have episodes where I can't breathe normally and I feel like the walls are closing in on me, leading me to collapse and, usually, hurt myself in the process.

I knew the room I was in all too well. The nurses office. But what I didn't know, was how I got here. When episodes occur in school, I usually wake up in the same place and take myself to the office. Fixing my position I sat up, placing my hand on my forehead, I took it back to see blood spaced around my palm. Making me panic even more, I got up in search for a mirror, frantically turning things upside down as the nurse wasn't in her office. Finding one I searched my forehead for any signs of trauma or blood, but I saw none. Weird. Lying back on the bed, I waited for the nurse to return. Holding my head, I checked every so often incase the blood would reappear, but it never did.

"Melody. You're awake, how are you?" the nurse asked, walking back into the room

"I'm okay I guess, but why does my head hurt so much?"

"It seems you have a slight concussion from the impact of falling on your head, nothing too major, but you're lucky considering the way you were found."

"What do you mean, how was I found?"

"I have no idea, that lovely new boy who just came to the school found you and brought you here," she smiled, dabbing a damp cloth on my forehead

"New boy?"

"Yes dear, I didn't catch his name but he was very polite and had excellent manners. He explained that he found you after following you to the bathrooms out of concern, as you were upset because of somebody's careless words towards you? If something is wro-"

"Nothing is wrong. I'm fine. Can I go now?" I rushed, looking to get out of here as soon as possible

"If you must, but I suggest you call someone to pick you up from school, as staying could lead to more frequent episodes of fainting and slight headaches,"

"Okay. Thank you." I nodded, hopping off of the bed and out of the door

"No problem dear, see you tomorrow." she called behind me.

I had almost forgot it was Monday. How was I going to survive the rest of the week like this. Although, there was one thought that just wouldn't leave my mind, who was that boy that brought me to the nurse? Could it have been the one from the principal's office? It had to be. I hadn't seen anybody else new around this hell hole. I doubt he followed me, he probably heard someone saying that I was there and told the nurse to say that. Who would care about me?

Obviously, I had nobody to contact, and everybody was in class, so I thought it would be best to leave now rather than wait until the next class had finished.

Walking out of the entrance, I took out my earphones and plugged them into my phone, putting one in each ear and turning on some music. Sliding my hands into my pockets, I began walking home. Music was my escape. It was the only way I could really be who I am.

Concentrating on the lyrics, I hummed the tune to 'Me' by the 1975, and made my way home. I thought about what it would be like to have no problems and worries, how people live their lives, not worrying about tomorrow or what could happen in the next minute. How people can go through their day with nobody to fear and nothing to hold them back from pursuing their dreams. How I wish I could be that person, who has no worries, no fears, no reason to wish the world would be a better place without them in it. I bet you're all wondering why I haven't ended my life, well most of you anyway...

"Things will get better, maybe not now, or in a year, or even in ten years, but I promise you, they will get better. Some day, you'll meet somebody, who will make your life worth living, who will make you love yourself and everyone around you, who will make you thankful that you didn't leave this world when you had the chance. Somebody who will love you for you, and will be by your side no matter what." Is what my mother always used to tell me, when I came home telling her how much I hated my life, and how everybody hated me.

And I guess, I'm still waiting for that day.

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