That's What I Thought | s.m

Chapter Four

c h a p t e r t h r e e.
t h a t ' s w h a t i t h o u g h t.
m e l o d y r e a g a n.

*T R I G G E R  W A R N I N G*

Walking through the door to my apartment, I threw my keys onto the table and my bag on the floor before lying down on the couch. Reaching for my book, I opened it and read a few chapters before getting up and making myself some lunch. It was only two o'clock and I hadn't ate anything all day except the apple I nibbled at for breakfast. Walking over to my fridge I took out some strawberries and blueberries, along with some milk for my coffee. Moving over to the kettle, I boiled the water and poured some into my ready made coffee cup, stirring it round and taking a sip to make sure it was okay.

Taking out a knife I chopped the strawberries and blueberries, placing them into a small bowl and returning to my book. I was so gripped onto the book I didn't realize the time, and when I'd finally finished it, the time read 21:07. Putting the book down and washing my bowl in the sink, I walked down into the bathroom and undressed myself for the shower. I reached for my phone so I could listen to music while washing and saw that I had a few text messages from an unknown number.

'I'll make your life a living hell'

Delete.

'Did you really think I'd let you off that easily?'

Delete.

'You're worth nothing'

Delete.

'Kill yourself'

Delete.

I knew it had to be Dylan or Grace sending the messages, considering what I'd said to them earlier, they were probably angry. Maybe they were right, maybe I should end it right now, but I can't, and I won't. I have to believe I can do this. No matter what other people try to make me believe. I can do this.

"No you can't, you're worthless, you don't deserve to live," The voice in my head tugged at my thoughts, sliding into my mind

"Yes I do. I do deserve to live, I've done nothing wrong," I hissed back

"No, you don't, you're an abomination, you cause destruction everywhere you go,"

"Shut up. Shut the hell up and leave me alone." I whispered harshly, my hands covering my ears as if it could prevent the voice from speaking any further

"Never..."

Stepping in, I turned the shower temperature to near enough the highest it could go. Stepping into the sauna like box, I turned my back to the spraying water. Standing there as it burned my back recklessly, I contemplated what had kept me alive all these years, was it that I believed I would find love? Was it that I wanted to believe I could find love? Or was it just cowardliness? Dylan was right, I don't deserve to live. I'm sick of living my life as an abomination everywhere I go, people treat me as if I were a disease that you could catch, even if you said one word to me.

I knew I needed help, but there was no way I was being checked into anywhere.

Turning off the shower, I stepped out and let burned body cool. My long brunette hair lay over my pale face. My wrinkled skin was burning with pain and my back felt like it had just been stabbed continuously. Looking at my disgusted oversized stomach, I uttered a high pitched scoff.

"Ugly bitch." I stated coldly.

After drying myself, I walked into my room and changed into my pj's. Making sure that the lights were turned off and all the doors and windows were locked.