speechless; vkook {sequel to voices}

~ fifteen ~

{ Taehyung's POV }

Hell.

That's the only word to describe this place. It's a place full of weird people far worse than me. People with purple bruises around necks and constant fear in their eyes. I was pretty simple yet so very complicated. I had just forgotten how to speak to the people I love most.

My doctor thinks the back to back traumas caused it and now my brain goes into a subconscious panic state when faced with the challenge of talking to anyone of true importance and significance to me. He said its almost like a sort of PTSD, and I think he's right;

because the only time I talk to Jungkook is in my dreams,

and my nightmares.

In my nightmares Jungkook becomes this person that carries all of my fears and burdens, and it sure does terrify me. And by the end of my nightmares I'm no longer talking to him because I'm scared that what I say will hurt him more than what I don't say.

My doctor thinks I'm wrong.

Week two went by with appointments and support groups and being allowed to wear the clothes Namjoon and Jin had dropped off when I first arrived. My doctor and I communicate mostly with writing, but on a few occasions I've let go of my fears and talked with the voice that sounds like a man that's smoked his whole life. But it's just from the lack of use. I smile after every time I talk to him while I see him putting check marks on his clipboard.

Week three were the final preparations to leave the hospital. My doctor met with me a lot and talked more about strategies to face Jungkook. I had already convinced myself that I could probably talk with a few of the members, but Jungkook was a different beast.

He was a monster a part of my brain had created for me.

I was terrified to see him and the idea of him made me cry out of fear not happiness or even love. It seemed as though even our greatest memories had been tainted,

and now they weren't so happy anymore.

I still had nightmares about him, the worst one being the night before my discharge. My doctor said I'd probably still have them, but I still remember his exact words about it.

"We all have fears of certain people Taehyung, but sometimes when meeting and overcoming those fears;

we find someone we love unconditionally."

Even with those words and this hospital stay I knew one thing was certain,

I was nowhere near in love with Jungkook anymore.

~

As I watched my doctor sign my discharge papers I realized how much I wanted to stay here. I was so scared of seeing everyone that it consumed my entire being. My stomach did somersaults and my head began to pound. No matter how much I tried I couldn't restrain my shaking hands around my suitcase as I walked out to the lobby.

There they were. All 6 of them.

I scanned their faces starting with Namjoon. He was smiling widely at me and I moved my eyes to see the same smile on Jin and Hoseok. I saw Yoongi with a slight smirk on his face and he nodded his head as my eyes met his. Then my eyes stopped at Jimin and my heart picked up from the nervousness. His eyes were filled with curiosity, but there was something else there I couldn't read. Then my eyes met Jungkook's and I felt my hands get shakier and shakier.

His eyes were filled with something I didn't expect. They weren't sorry by any means, but what I saw was a slight bit of sadness and hurt, and finally,

pure hatred.

~~~

A/N: hahaha I want to die