Redemption | A Drake Duology (2016)

F & D • 21 • Forgive, Forget

Roman

          Getting through two hours of this baby shower was going to be one of the hardest things I've ever done. I hadn't even noticed that I started crying until Aubrey rushed over to me. Sandi stopped him before he could get all the way over. She whispered something to him and he walked away in the opposite direction. I wiped my face trying to pull it together before anyone else noticed.

"Let's take a walk," Sandi said leading me out to the back. "You need a moment away,"

"I'm sorry," I sniffled. "I'm ruining everything,"

"You're not ruining everything. Aubrey and Bleu know how to keep things running,"

I sighed and sat down on the lawn chair. I couldn't believe that I allowed my emotions to take over. I hadn't cried my entire pregnancy. I got a little frustrated here and there but nothing more. My body had been reacting to everything lately, especially my emotions. I cancelled my meeting with Logan for this very reason. I needed to wait until my babies got here to be able to handle whatever was to happen.

"Who sent out the invites? I gave a specific list,"

"I think Noah sent them but don't go cursing him out because of this. She might've invited herself,"

"You can't just go around inviting yourself to places," I huffed glancing back at everyone sitting around in the living room. "I don't want her here,"

"Give her a chance, Roman." Sandi suggested. "This isn't the ideal setting to ask for forgiveness or whatever her plan is but she's still your mother,"

Thinking about my mother coming back into my life would've been unheard of a couple of years ago. At some point, I was going to have to face her but I didn't want it to be today. I was still angry at her for not remembering me or even trying to get to know me, still angry at her for leaving us with a man who didn't give a shit about our well being. She made us pay for her mistakes and that was unfair.

"She doesn't deserve that title,"

"How do you know? You've never let her explain herself," She plopped down in the chair next to me. "You have no idea why things played out the way the way that did. While it wasn't a healthy or safe setting for you and your sister, I'm sure leaving you to the system wouldn't have been any better," She reached over to rub my back. "As you adapt to being a mother, you will learn that you have to sacrifice so that your child won't suffer,"

"But I suffered. We both suffered,"

"Had she kept you, it probably would have been worse. Look at Mekhi. He's going through what you went through except he didn't have anyone to take him in. He had to stay with his mother until someone could help," She explained. "He is the result if what happens when you don't make the decision to help yourself. Your mother is trying. That's why I want you to give her a chance. It's not easy staying clean," I remained silent and she kept talking. "It doesn't have to be today but listen to her and make a decision based off of continuous behavior. If she hasn't changed then leave her alone,"

I nodded. The thought of talking things out with her made me dizzy. My hands were still shaking. I was nauseous. "I feel sick," I warned.

Sandi pushed a trashcan my way and I emptied my breakfast and lunch into it. It was difficult to catch my breath or even calm down. Everything was spinning and my vision was getting cloudy. I held onto whatever I could to pull myself up. A wave of pain washed over me and I panicked. She handed me a glass of cold water. I sipped on it until my body calmed down.

"Keep drinking," Sandi coached resting her hand on my lower back. She encouraged me to walk around. "Walking helps. You aren't having contractions are you?"