"Benefits" [Under Editing]

The Real John Laurens

Edited. 

After the girl left (who he later recognized as Theodosia, yikes.) Alexander entered the dorm room to find Laurens spread out on his bed, dick free and everything. His eyes were staring at the ceiling like it had offended him and his pink lips were pressed together on a tense line.

"So, are you still gay or did you got magically turned into a heterosexual?" He asked. He knew it wasn't a nice thing to do, he knew John's struggle. But the imaginary rhino stab still burned in his stomach and it made him irritated, angry. John answered nothing.

"Honestly, I don't know what you expect, Laurens. Your sexuality won't change regardless of how many girls you fuck." He continued.

Silence.

"What do you expect to expect to happen!?"

"I don't know, Alexander" He sighed. "I just.... It's become a routine. I see a girl I know I'm supposed to be attracted to and think "this is the one, this one will make the difference" even if I know I'm really not attracted to her. It ends up all the same, I end up stressed, frustrated, sad, angry, and overall just back right where I started. You know how much I hate doin' this? I feel fucking gross, and it feels so wrong. I hate the feeling of sex– well, I–I mean, straight sex. It's just.." His frown deepened, marking lines into his face. Suddenly he didn't look like a sexy young man, but a troubled person. Tormented, even. "It's not easy for me to accept this shit. I hate it. I hate myself every time I do this. But I can't just... you know.."

"It's your life John, you shouldn't let what other people think dictate what will happen on it"

"But I can't. I–I–I'm an abomination...I'm not normal, I—"

"Laurens would you shut up!?" Alex snapped. "Being gay doesn't make you any different from any other fucking human being! Ok!? You are not an abomination! Could you please stop saying all that bullshit about yourself!?" Now he was offended. How dare John say those things about himself!? When he's such a beautiful person. Don't tell him that Alexander said that though.

John stayed quiet for a few moments. "....I'm sorry..." He mumbled.

"Why are you apologizing, John?" He shrugged.

Alexander sat at the foot of John's bed and looked at him. It felt weird, being the only one who ever saw this part of John. The real John Laurens. Not the suave womanizer that everyone knows but the dork that cries watching Heathers and dog videos and who actually thinks that Sphinx cats are cute.

"You could always come out, you'll feel more relieved afterwards" He said and internally winced, that wasn't exactly helpful advise.

John scoffed. "As if. I've went way too deep into this hole. I ain't getting out"

"Don't say that" Alexander pleaded.

John finally teared his eyes from the ceiling and looked at him with a borderline adoring look in his eyes. "At least I've got you to take me out every once in a while" A small smile appeared on his lips.

Alexander rolled his eyes. "You're being a dork"

His smile grew. "It's true though"

The Nevisian slapped his thigh playfully and chuckled. "Shut up"

"Nah" He laughed with him and then sat up. "Imma get a bath, wanna join?"

He rolled his eyes again. "Whatever, but this is only because you can do excellent massages, eh"

"Sure" John teased. "Now get up, I wanna see the mole below your butt cheek"

"Ew, you pervert" John stuck his tongue out in mock response.

"You love it, Mr. Cutie Face"