Poem #40// Clean

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Over a year of being clean
And it is now down the drain.
It took one kiss to the skin
And it was over.
One gentle caress
And I was undone.

The feeling overwhelmed me.
A feeling so strong
That even after too much,
I still craved more.
All my pain inside me,
Focused into one place again.

For one moment,
I had total control.
A place to be at peace
Throughout a time of Hell.
I fell into what I once knew
And repeated an old pattern.

I am not valued by my friends.
I am overlooked by my family.
I have no trust in others.
I have no one to turn to.
So I turn to the blade and let it kiss my skin,
Because there is nobody else that I could let in.

A thing so harmful
And yet I strangely felt alive.
But they treat me like I am nobody,
Someone who has already died.
So I will pretend and make nothing change,
And continue my life as a lie.
~a.k.

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