Don't Let Me Drown

Eighteen

Tony's POV

Avi didn't sleep at all last night, she spent most of the night on her phone or laptop to keep herself busy like she usually does but even then she'd try to sleep. Her dark circles are terrible and she looks sick if she's not wearing makeup. On tour she'll usually stay up late with Matt since he's working a lot too, but even he sleeps a little on tour.

"Morning bubz" I yawned and walked towards the fridge. She was sitting on the couch with her laptop.

"Hey" she said and kept typing. "Emails are kicking my ass"

"Who taught you to swear like that?" Jaime said and she smiled.

"You guys always swear, why is it bad that I do?" She retorted and closed her laptop. I really looked at her and how dull her eyes were. She'd been hiding behind a smile so much, now that she isn't I really see how broken she is. How did I not see this? It's like nothing after the adoption happened. She's hiding behind anger again, shutting herself down. "What?" She set her laptop aside and I took it as a chance to pic her up.

"What the hell?!?" She whined and hit her fists against my back. "Dad!" I walked to the back lounge and set her down to lock the door. I looked at her and her anger and confusion.

"Take your pants off" I said. "I need to know Aviana" she softened her look and calmed her breathing down before tears pooled her cold eyes. She took off her sweats and I sighed. Red marks were all over her thighs and hips, some were covered in bandages. I peeled one away and felt sick to my stomach. I looked at her face, tears fell down her face, she was scared of herself. I pulled her sweats up for her and sat down, I pulled her on my lap and held her. She started sobbing and held onto my shirt tight.

"Let it all out Avi, there's a trash can in here if it gets to it" I said and kissed the side of her head. She was crying so much, Matt picked the lock and came in to check on her. He was confused and afraid at first but didn't question it.

"Avi, Matt's here" I said and she sat up to look at him. Her head turned to Vic who was in the doorway. She cried more and hid herself in my chest. She was ashamed, she felt like she let them down. She felt unworthy of their care and love for her.

"It's okay baby, you're not going through this alone. I know you want to hug Vic and Matt, it's okay" I whispered to her. She looked at me and I nodded. She went to Matt first and curled up under his arm and kept her knees hugged to her chest. Matt kissed the top of her head and she whimpered.

"What's going on baby?" He asked.

"I'm not okay, I'm not happy, doing everything gives me a bit of happiness but I'm not happy and I can't explain it. It's killing me more than I want to die" she said and leaned against him more. How could I not have seen this? How could I have not seen my baby girl go through so much pain?

"Everything okay?" Mike asked and we all shook our heads. He sat down next to me and Avi looked at him for a second before hugging Matt. Matt moved and Vic sat down, Avi's body shook while Vic held her. She couldn't hide herself from Vic, he understood her pain. It's why she named him her godfather, he was always a second father to her, probably better than me most of the time.

"How long have you been hiding this Avi?" Vic asked.

"Too long" she said and he sighed and closed his eyes. "I'm drowning" most of the morning she told us how she'd been hiding herself so well. She told us more about her nightmares and her whole truth. Part of me wanted to leave, I couldn't hear about those people but I needed to for her. To understand her was all I needed to do.

"What do you want to do?" I asked once she sat in my lap again. She wiped away her tears and set her forehead against mine.

"I don't want to stop everything, but maybe... get a psycho analysis to find out what's going on" I nodded and held her.