Between the Days and Nights ✔

Chapter 16: Mushroom Cloud

Tam

By the time I woke up, Silas was gone and I can't help but endure a sinking feeling in my chest. I guess it would make sense for him to be out of sight. I can't imagine what my mom would think if she were to walk in on us lying in bed together.

Still, it felt alright when he was here. I've managed to memorize his scent and every time I close my eyes, I could see the contours of his neck, as that was the view I managed to get as I rested my head on his chest. His smile wasn't bad either, but I couldn't think of him now.

Then I suddenly remember what had happened the day before. It makes me feel uneasy.

I try to suppress the flashes of memory that force their way into my mind as I shower in burning water. I use my loofah and try to scrub away Jeff's touch, but the flashes are unrelenting, and I end up repeatedly ramming my head into the wall. The pain takes it away momentarily. Just a little bit, though.

Not enough.

I grumble my answers as my mom asks me why I chose this particular outfit. Under the seat belt, I look like a piece of dough that someone wrapped ribbon around tightly. A pair of skinny jeans and my baggiest sweater, which I had only bought with the intention of sleeping in it. I had chosen to wear a thin tank top under, knowing how heated I would get from this thick layer of cotton.

As I walk down the hallway, I feel myself cringing at every sound. Every motion makes me twitch. Every locker slam results in a flinch. It's time I admit it to myself.

What happened yesterday has really shaken me up.

Being in Silas's arms had shielded me from myself but I never considered how I could cope being on my own. After all, it wasn't like Silas was fully mine. He's the school playboy and I might just be a number on his list.

No. I can't think like that. His eyes said otherwise when he looked at me.

The longer I walk down the hallway, the more I am aware of the presence of Karen and Wendy behind me. They speak in hushed voices and I suddenly feel even more vulnerable than when they used to shove me. Still, I brace myself for an attack, but as they walk past me, they turn their faces away, and as they look back at me, I find their eyes hooded in shame.

When I finally reach my locker, I find Vinh and Scarlett standing on either side of it, holding hands and speaking quietly. I rush to hug Scar, whom I realized I hadn't been able to check up on. Because she stepped up as the victim, her parents were informed of the incident and what had been happening before.

"How did your parents take it," I ask her with my eyebrows almost meeting in the center.

"They said they don't want me to ever be alone. So I guess from now on, I'm going to have Vinh around all the time." She seems calm.

"That's right, baby! Prepare to be annoyed by the king of sass!" Vinh squeezes her hand and she laughs. It seems everything has worked out for the two of them.

"So," Scar starts quietly as Vinh makes his quick morning bathroom visit, "Are you feeling weird, too?"

I don't hesitate to assume what she means. "I get bad flashbacks about it."

"Yeah. And I freak out everytime I hear a locker slam," she adds and I nod along.

"It'll go away after a while, once you get a better grip of yourself." I feel my throat go dry. Someone slams their locker down the hall and we both flinch, then give each other understanding smiles. It's somehow comforting to know I wasn't alone on this feeling. None of the others would get it. Not Silas or Damon or even Vinh. They can try to feel bad for us, but it's hard to know the fear unless you've suffered under it.