Married to my fiance's brother? 《Completed》

Comfort In Despair.

I couldn't believe how drastically my life turned all of a sudden.

I became a lifeless, walking corpse. I didn't know what to do, what to say, not even what to think...

I went to my collection of books, my only treasure, my salvation and picked a random book, just to escape reality. I flipped through the pages and a line caught my eye... "If Allah Brings you to it, He will bring you through it." It calmed me down... I knew He was always there for me. He would never forsake me. He knew all that was in the open and all that lay in shadows... I had faith in His judgment. He would never punish the innocent.

I flipped a few more pages and stumbled upon a picture... a verse. One of my favorite ones. The ultimate guidance, the untimely advice...

I needed nothing else.

I quickly went to the bathroom and made Wudhu (Ablution). I laid down the prayer mat and stood to offer my prayers. I closed my eyes, sought Allah's refuge from the Satan and all evils. I then said to Allah, "Ya Allah! I don't know which prayer I need to offer now. I don't know how to describe how I am feeling and what I want because I myself don't know what it is. I just stand before you and submit myself to you. I submit all my affairs to you. I submit my present, my future and my whole life to you. Please accept it and guide me. Help me and give me peace." With that, I raised my hands and said, "Alllahu Akbar" (Allah is Great) then prayed.

After the prayer, I sat down on the mat and held my hands before me to seek Allah's Mercy and help, to make dua.

I didn't know what to say. I had no words. I just looked at my hands, then I looked up towards heaven and a tear trickled down my cheeks. I closed my eyes and bowed my head. I felt a tightness in my chest; like someone was squeezing my heart. It hurt and a sigh escaped my lips. All of a sudden, I started to weep. I wept like I was at the end of the world. I thought about my father. I remembered his dead face, expressionless, yet peaceful. I sighed again. Then I thought about my mother. I thought about the trials she was going through. I felt another pang in my heart. Then I recalled all that happened in the past few days and I wept some more. "Please... Please, Allah ji... Please...", was all I could say and I knew I need not say anything more...

Suddenly, I felt warmth surrounding me. A loving, comfortable, motherly warmth. I felt a sense of peace flowing in my body. 

Now, instead of all the dark things, I remembered the happy things, the good things. I remembered the happy times I spent with my father. His lovely smile, his characteristic smell... I remembered the peace that was on his face all his life and even at the time of death. I knew that though he was away from us, he was in a better place, a better condition and happy.

 I then thought about my mother. I realized that her marrying Arsalan was not that bad a thing. I remembered the dirty looks people were giving us after Papa's death. I realized that Arsalan had given us a home and security. Now, no one dared to cast a bad eye on me or my mother. Then I recalled how Arsalan had stood up for my mother before his nephew. I felt relief. He trusted and respected at least one of us! My mother would be well-taken care of by him. I felt that he really, deeply loved her. Maybe, he wasn't that bad of a person... Though I didn't know what he thought about me..

Then, Shahed's face flashed before my eyes. I remembered the events of that dreadful night and his threat. "I will make your life a living hell. You will beg for Mercy, you will long for death." His words rang in my ears and a shiver ran down my spine. I began weeping again. I began weeping with fear, with hope, with longing. I began to beg for Mercy, the mercy of the Most Merciful, Mercy of Allah...

I stayed there and wept and prayed for Allah only knows how long.

I got tired, and slept right there, on the prayer mat.

I felt like I was lying in someone's lap. Someone was caressing my head and whispering some soothing words in my ears. I was too tired to comprehend what was being said. But I felt relaxed.

I don't know who that was. May an angel, maybe my father, or maybe it was Allah himself trying to make me feel his presence physically...

I slept there for hours and knew that tomorrow will be better than today and far better than yesterday... InSha Allah (If Allah wills)...