Payb Takes Book 2 (COMPLETED)

When You Know

A/N:

Maybe the last chapter in this book when I won't be writing in the usual Payb Takes format coz I'm a sucker for first person narrations. 😅

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April 12 6:00am (PHT)
April 11 6:00pm (EDT)
New York City

You smiled. As you sat on the grass, a few feet across from me, cellphone in hand and earphones in place playing the soundtrack from Serendipity, you smiled, Love. Although still beautiful (it's impossible to have my Menggay's smile any other way), there was something missing in that smile. Your eyes didn't sparkle and I knew your heart was not in that smile.

Yes, you were happy. I knew you were. You have waited to come back to New York for so long. You could go on and on for a whole night just talking about it with me. You loved this city and I couldn't blame you.

This city is beautiful, mesmerizing and spirited like you. With that in mind, I can't help but fall in love with it too just as quickly as I have with you.

I smiled back and with that adorable furrow of your eyebrows, I could tell that you knew. You knew I felt the same way, happy but lacking too.

It was supposed to be a free day, you and me and the team exploring the city. And it did happen, just not how we hoped for.

Love, remember when we talked about walking around Central Park? We were cuddling on the couch watching Serendipity for the fifth time (Was it really just five? I couldn't tell, we watched it too many times because it was one of your favorite movies). You laced your fingers with mine and you said, "I can't believe that the next time I'll be in Central Park, I'll be with you, Love. You think we can still ice skate? April na yun pero parang pwede pa naman."

You dreamed of it and I wanted it too but I would have been content just holding your hand in mine, my wife, as we looked up at the towering buildings, crossed the busy streets and walked across the park but we didn't have that. We couldn't. Not this time anyway.

Right now, I should find satisfaction in sitting across you in restaurants, catching glimpses of you from a few feet away in Times Square, watching you from a far as you posed like a doll on Brooklyn Bridge, stealing glances and smiles in Central Park.

This was not we hoped for. This was not how we dreamed our first NYC experience together to be. And yet, my love, though circumstances are not ideal, what really matters is I have you and you have me.

As if catching that last thought, you smiled at me and I smiled back. This time I knew we would not let the situation take over us. Like we always did, we will take charge of this situation.

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April 12, 12:00pm (PHT)
April 12, 12:00am (EDT)
New York City

You slipped inside my room. With your chin tucked under the collar of your black coat and your eyes looking down, you quickly stepped in and closed the door. You leaned against the wall and closed your eyes as you caught your breath. Even with your flushed cheeks, sweaty forehead and slightly disheveled hair, you were a sight to behold.

I quietly watched you from where I sat on the couch and I thought. "Hindi dapat ganito. She is my wife. We should be free to do whatever we want together, right?"

I'm sorry, Love. We couldn't have a normal married life. We couldn't step into the hotel lobby hand in hand and just walk out without a care in the world. I'm sorry that we have to live by so many rules, standards and expectations. I'm sorry that I can only do so much to make things easier for you. I'm sorry, Love. I'm sorry.