Sometimes I wonder,
if I'm shutting people out.
I say I'm fine.
And I don't smile back anymore in the halls.
And I leave, or I wish to leave, in the middle of things,
the second I feel unwanted.
Because I'm just so damn tired of feeling unwanted all the time.
I know I'm not worth it.
And I know your words, I don't deserve them.
And I know I'm a problem, and a weight to carry around.
And I know I make you sink to the ground.
But I'm so damn tired
of being unwanted.
And I know I'm complaining,
I'm not being haunted.
But I'm kind of tired of keeping things in.
But I just don't want
the pity looks,
or the tears,
or the boldness or harshness,
when you tell me things I won't believe
and that won't make me feel better.
Because dammit all it does is make me frustrated!
I hate hearing things
over and over.
I don't believe that I'm amazing!
Or that I'm a good person!
I'm beautiful?
That one... is my only maybe.
I like to think that I'm beautiful, but that's the only good I think.
And I want to talk but I bottle it all up because of all said above but mostly because I don't want to bother those I love. Those I care about have their own issues and I don't want to burden them with mine too!
But it's just so hard to smile anymore.
When my friends aren't around
and I'm alone.
I can barely bring myself,
to lift the little corners of my mouth.
And I hate it, god I hate it.
Because I feel like I'm pushing everyone away.
When all I want, is for them to stay.
But recently I feel,
like they just don't care anymore.
But I know it's my fault, not theirs.
I'm sorry for complaining.
YOU ARE READING
Nobody Was Meant to See
Poetry[Trigger Warning, please be safe when reading] They aren't supposed to know. They aren't meant to read these poems that I'm writing. I've concealed them for a reason. -Shitty poems about how I feel-
