Nobody Was Meant to See

139

I can feel the disgust you send
I can sense the peering into the side of my head
I see the confusion
As you wonder who I am
If I can be trusted
I can hear the remarks
The pointed rudeness, when you say "sir"
I can taste the hate
From the back of my brain

Maybe I should wear a sign
That says "Non-Binary"
wherever I go
A sign that says "They/Them"
But would you even care?
Disregard that they're there?
The public might be kind
it might be rude
as seen above,
that's just the public's view.
My experience from grocery stores
libraries
gas stations.
I can't account for those humans
but I should be able to account for you

You're different
I don't sense disgust from you
But I sense rudeness
And misunderstanding
And a lack of care

Jokes can be offensive.
Your jokes are offensive.
I have a sense of humor, just not yours.
I'm not acting too much like mom.
The next generation may be identifying themselves as cats and dogs, I don't care! But you joking about it is an insult to me.
An insult to my comfort.
An insult to my safety in relation to our child parent relationship.
and just because I'm offended
doesn't mean I need to get a sense of humor
and being like mom isn't bad
she's at least kinder than you

If someone's confessing something,
and they ask you to stop what your doing to talk to you,
you don't just say
"I'm sure whatever it is isn't important enough for me to stop playing video games while you talk"

God I've spent nights wondering
why you aren't accepting me fully
What happened to me wanting to be happy?
You're making no effort to do that
And I'm unhappy as a girl
Which is what you still think of me as
And refer to me as
I've spent too much time
wondering why you don't love who I am
In that extent
Why you have to be rude
all the time
Even if you know it bothers me

I shouldn't be wasting this much time thinking about what a single human things of me

But you're my father

And you've been rude before,
but you've never been this unkind