When I See You Again

Survivor

Jessica and Sarah hadn't spoken a word to each other since leaving the doctors office. They were now at home sitting in the living room. Jessica held Liam in her arms as he napped.
Sarah sat next to her and was having an inner debate whether to tell her the truth about what had happened.

After a while, she decided to not tell Jessica anything for now. She needed to make sure Jessica was okay about the news they were given at Jessica's appointment.

"Jessica?" Sarah began as she turned to face Jessica. "Are you okay?"
Jessica looked up into her Sarah's eyes and said. "I...I don't know. I don't know how to feel. I don't know what to do."
Sarah took one of Jessica's hands and asked. "Do...do you want to this baby?"
"Do you?" Jessica asked back.
"I...I want, what ever you want." Sarah said. She knew she had to put aside her feelings about the baby. She knew she could love this baby and if this is what Jessica wanted then she wouldn't take that away from her. "I want you to be happy." Sarah continued. "If you don't want to have this baby, then I'll be by your side when you terminate. But, if you want this baby, then I will be there for every appointment, every ultrasound, and on the day they enter this world; I will welcome them into our life with open arms."
"Sarah...I...I'm happy to hear you say that. But...Sarah! I don't know what I want!" Jessica said as she began to get upset. Tears rolled down her cheeks.
Sarah pulled her close to her and just held her.
"Hey, you don't have to decide right this second. You still have some time to think everything through. Now...why don't you go lay down, relax and maybe take a nap. I'll take care of Liam."

Jessica pulled away to looked at Sarah and gave her a small smile. She wiped her tears away and kissed Sarah on her lips. "Thank you so much Sarah. You're right, I do have some time to think about things." Jessica said with a sigh. She then kissed Liam on his forehead then gave him to Sarah. He stirred for a moment then got comfortable in Sarah's arms and didn't move anymore.

Jessica made her way to her bedroom then climbed in her bed and laid down. She laid on her side and hugged her pillow.

She willed her mind to shut off; she didn't want to think it feel right now. She thought about how glad she was that she had an appointment the next day with Dr. Bates.

*The Next Day*

"So, why do you think you feel so differently now with this pregnancy than with your pregnancy with Liam?" Dr. Bates asked.
Jessica sniffled and wiped her tears away with a tissue. "I...I was a much stronger person back then." She said. "When I found out I was pregnant with Liam, I still held on to hope that I would be found soon. Even months later, I still felt strong and a need to fight. But...on that final day, when he was punishing me for helping Amanda escape...he...Evan finally drove me to my breaking point. That day, he just kept on and on. I asked him to stop, my body just couldn't take anymore. Of course, he didn't listen and kept on. By that point, I lost hope...I lost...the strong woman I used to be."

Jessica took a moment; she had stopped trying to wipe her tears away, they just kept falling.
"I'm scared. I'm now scared of a lot of things that I used to not be scared of. I'm scared over the littlest things."
"But you've made so much progress since the first time you walked into my office." Dr. Bates said positively.
"Yes, I know but I'm still scared." Jessica said. "Yes I get out of the house and go to different places, but I'm still terrified to be away from home."
"But, you still go out. For a moment, you conquer your fear and step outside. You are taking small steps to heal yourself of what you been through. Soon, it'll become easier and easier; then you won't be scared anymore. Jessica...you are braver than you think. You're a survivor." Dr. Bates soothingly. "You will get your life back. Also, I believe you will make the right decision for yourself about the baby."
Jessica shook her head then said. "What if I choose wrong? What if I have this baby and they look exactly like him? I'm not sure I can handle it, if I have to look at the baby every single day and see him in their little face. I know that sounds harsh...I just..." she shook her head again and sobbed. "But if I terminate...I know I'll regret it later."

Jessica soon began to heave and rushed to the nearest trash can. She vomited into the trash can and stayed leaning over it for a few minutes.

After a while, Jessica still sat on the floor, tears still rolling down her cheeks. Dr. Bates kneeled down next to her and handed her a water bottle with a soft smile on her face.

"I'm sorry." Jessica said softly feeling embarrassed. She opened the water bottle and took a sip.
"Don't be sorry." Dr. Bates said. "There's nothing to apologize for; its part of pregnancy. You can't help it."

Dr. Bates helped Jessica up and helped her sit back down on the sofa. She gave Jessica a moment then they continued with the therapy session.

On the way home, Jessica felt a bit better after talking to Dr. Bates. She knew for certain that abortion wasn't an option for her but she had decision to make. Either keep the baby, or give them up for adoption. She loved Liam with all her heart and would never say she didn't want him. But for some reason she just couldn't feel a connection with this baby; Jessica was so confused.

When they got home, Jessica went straight to bed, Sarah followed close behind. Sarah climbed into bed then placed Liam in between herself and Jessica.

Liam sat up against a pillow in between them and played contently with his toy keys that he loved so much. Sarah grabbed onto Jessica's hand and held on.

Jessica looked at Sarah and said. "I'm not having an abortion. But...I don't know if I want to keep the baby. I'm thinking about...adoption."
"What?" Sarah said with wide eyes. "But...Jess, why? We talked about having more kids before; when we got you back, yes Liam was a shock, I wasn't expecting him but he is a blessing to our family. I love him. Jess...this baby could be our last. This baby will be loved and welcomed into a loving family!"

Jessica sat up against the headboard then hugged her legs close to her chest and sobbed into her knees.

Liam turned and looked over at Jessica; he dropped his toy keys and moved to her side. He began to baby babble and tap Jessica's leg to get her attention.

Jessica peeked up at her baby boy; she couldn't help but smile at him. She calmed down a bit and wiped her tears away. She then reached for him and held him close to her. Liam continued to babble and smile up at Jessica.

Jessica looked down at Liam and took in this moment with him. After a moment, Jessica felt this calming presence next to her. Suddenly, it was all clear to Jessica, just like the moment in Evan's car when she wasn't sure about Liam; Jessica smiled back at Liam then she looked up at Sarah who had given Jessica some space, and said. "It's going to be crazy with Isabelle and Liam, but, it looks like we're having another baby."

Sarah smiled wide and kissed Jessica on her lips. "On Jess! I'm so happy!" She exclaimed then gave Jessica another kiss. She pulled away and said with excitement. "We're having another baby!"

Jessica giggled at Sarah's reaction; she felt so relieved. She knew Dr. Bates was right; she was survivor, she went through the worst while being held by Evan, but her she was back with her family. She knew now, that she could get through anything.

Just then, they heard doorbell and interrupted their happy moment. Sarah rushed to answer the door while Jessica continued to hold Liam.
He was falling asleep in her arms so she got up gently then walked to his bassinet that was in their bedroom and laid him down. Jessica gave him his pacifier and watched as he drifted off to sleep.

Sarah came back into the room and looked concerned. Jessica saw her expression and asked, "Honey, what's wrong?"
"Um...Jess." Sarah began worriedly. "Your parents are here."

Jessica stared with wide eyes; she hadn't seen her parents since she had come out to them. They weren't supportive at all and even kicked her out and told her not come back. They had disowned her.

Jessica stood up taller and held her head up high. "Well, tell them to leave. I don't want to see them."

Sorry I haven't updated. I've been having a bit of writers block. But now, I know where I'm going to go with this story, so it should be easier to update more often.

I hope this chapter wasn't too boring.

Also, please excuse any errors, haven't had a chance to edit.