Love Will Remember ❄︎ Camren

Chapter Seven: Weak

(AN) Creds to the original owner of the above photo.

Trigger Warning- Talks about suicide and depression up ahead. Please don't read if you are easily triggered. You will be notified where it is okay to read.

Camila's POV

It takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, and a day to love them, but it takes an entire lifetime to forget them. And that's how long it would take for me if I ever were to lose Lauren.

I haven't heard from Perrie since last night and I don't know if that's a good thing but I guess it means that things are okay with her for now.

It's hard. It's really hard to be left alone with just my thoughts. I can't eat and I can't sleep knowing that she isn't okay. I'm not doing well in terms of a normal functioning human being, you know?

Lauren said she wouldn't ever leave me and I'm holding her to promise but god! It should be me laying there in that bed. It should be me, not her.

There was a moment in my life when I really wanted to kill myself. And she saved me, not just physically but mentally as well. She made me see the true beauty in life and I couldn't be more grateful.

But now, in my most jaded moment of life, I don't know what to do. I'm hanging onto hope; hope that she'd be okay but there's the voice inside my head that's telling me that she won't and that I don't deserve her.

It's true. I didn't deserve her and I told her this on numerous occasions but then she'd kiss me and look at me like I was the most precious thing on this earth; then I'd realize that maybe...just maybe I did deserve her and her love.

But in this moment, my thoughts got the better of me. I slowly forced myself to get off my bed. My thoughts were racing as I glanced around the room looking for something to quell the emotional pain that I felt.

I saw that there was a small glass vase filled with lilies near my bed that Taylor had gotten for me as a get well gesture.

So I picked it up and walked to my washroom and smashed it against the wall causing it to break. Picking up the sharpest piece of glass, I brought it my wrist. The red liquid soon became visible.

With each cut that I made, blood began flowing freely and so did my tears. I hadn't noticed when my room door opened and I didn't hear when someone walked in; too busy caught up wallowing in self pity maybe.

My friend Ally screamed and ran next to me pulling the glass away from me, "Oh my god, Mila, what did you do?"

"Mila, Mila look at me," she pleaded but I wasn't listening. I felt numb. The pain from the cuts was no match for the aching I felt in my soul.

"Can I get a nurse in here please?" Ally yelled out. I didn't even have the strength to tell her no; that I'd rather bleed out than live another day.

Perrie came in frantic and the look on her face when she saw my blood dripping down my arm onto the floor could've maybe made me feel a bit guilty for what I just did.

She cleaned my cuts and bandaged them. I heard her telling Ally that it was a good thing I didn't cut too deep. Nurse Edwards assisted Ally in helping me to change my bloody clothes and left once my friend assured her that she'd keep an eye on me.

"Camila?" Ally's voice was a mere whisper. We were sitting on my bed, she had me wrapped in her armss, holding onto me as though I'd run away and do something stupid like what I just did.

"Mila, please talk to me," she begged but I kept staring down at my bandaged wrists.

(A/N Read from here.)

I heard her sigh and she spoke again, "Are you okay?"

And those were the three simple words that made me fall apart. Brick by brick, my walls came tumbling down. The tears in my eyes turned into a rainy day and I didn't care who saw. I broke down. The sobs punched through my muscles and my body was trembling in Ally's arms.

She pressed my body into hers and didn't once utter a word because she knew her attempts to cheer me up would be futile. I was hollow and my life was slipping through my fingertips. Then suddenly I felt myself being wrapped with more arms. Dinah and Normani had come and were hugging me.

And with each moment I spent in their arms, I felt that I wasn't the only one going through this. They were hurting as well. Lauren was their friend too and they were broken and bruised just like me.

So I stayed their sobbing away in their arms until my throat became raw and my eyes couldn't produce anymore tears.

***

I was lying in bed waiting to be discharged from the hospital. My wrists along with my head were hurting and I was trying my best to ignore the pain.

There was a knock on my door and my friend Normani stuck her head in. They had gone to get some food to eat. Knowing Dinah, the girl gets pretty cranky when she misses a meal.

"Hey, I got you a sandwich and some juice. You hungry?" Normani gestured to the tray in her hands.

I forced myself to sit upright and I just shrugged and said, "Thank you but I'm not really hungry, Mani."

My friend sighed and rested the food next to my bed. Normani came and sat on the edge of my bed and she gently patted my leg.

"Mils, you should eat. You know beating yourself up about Lauren isn't going to get her to wake up. She wouldn't want you to be like this."

My heart tightened at the mere mention of her name.

"You don't know what she would've wanted, Mani. You..." I trailed off not knowing what to say.

"You know what I know? That Lauren fucking loves you! She risked her life on countless occasions for you, she lost sleep when you weren't okay, she always told you just how much you meant to her...and now you're telling me I wouldn't know what she would want?" Her voice broke a bit. Sometimes I forgot just how much these girls cared about me. I forgot that I wasn't alone in this.

"I was there through it all, Camila. She would want you to be happy. Lauren wouldn't want you hurting and I get it, it's easier said than done but please, for the sake of your goddamn girlfriend, eat some food and try to be okay."

After she said that, I couldn't deny how true it was. I knew for a fact Lauren wouldn't want me to be doing this, so I reached for my tray and began eating whilst Normani watched me with a content smile on her face.

***
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