Clinging To Him (BoyxBoy) #1.1

Clinging To Him {Eight}

I hadn't seen Dylan for the rest of that day, not that I particularly wanted to. I just felt bad about how we left things in the morning. We had been fighting a lot more recently since I got released from the hospital. Sometimes I felt a little suffocated around Dylan since he tends to hover over me. Listen, it was kind of nice at first having him around when ever I needed but it lost all its appeal when Dylan tried entering the same stall as me for 'safety measures'. What the heck was going to happen to me while I was sitting on the toilet? Dylan was being overbearing and I didn't like it. Also, there lied the issue of Dylan feeling the need to profess his 'love' for me. I've lost count how many times I've told him not to say that word directed to me.

Maybe it made me feel uncomfortable because I felt like I didn't deserve it. I mean, I loved Nico and my sister but it wasn't like I ever told them in person. Even then they felt way out of reach. They didn't need to know how I felt for them, besides I was sure they already knew. Well, Nico did but he thought it was all brotherly. Nico had Mikhail so I felt like he didn't need anyone else and Rachel was living her life in bliss not even knowing that I existed. They both had gone so far without me that in all honesty they could do better, and they did. The same could be said for Dylan. He was just wasting his time pursing me when he could literally get anyone he wanted at his college. Hell, he could even get his boss, Aaron.

They seemed to hit it off well before. Dylan looked at ease around Aaron and the same could be said vice versa. I couldn't imagine Aaron being that much older than Dylan and their overall personalities seemed to match with one another. They both had a passion for photography which was something I wouldn't ever be able to share with Dylan. Sure, the pictures he took looked beautiful, breathtaking even, but Dylan had a deeper connection with photography that I wouldn't be able to understand. He was so cheerful with everyone so I figured he must have been close with his parents whereas I wished my parents would disappear off the face of the earth.

I was suddenly glad that I was going out tonight. I didn't feel like staying in and over analyzing everything again. What's done was done and nothing could be changed. I had already spent more than half the day with just my thoughts alone. In that time, I thought about how I didn't think Dylan and I were ever going to see eye to eye. I also knew that my past still bothered him. As much as he likes to talk about being in love with me, I've caught him going through my phone before to see if I was still selling myself. I get it, what I did was shameful from an outside perspective but I didn't like being reminded constantly about it. Also, I didn't ever see that changing if we were to date. He would constantly be wondering if I was selling myself again. Being with someone like that would eventually tire me out emotionally.

"Are you ignoring us?" Sal said from beside me as he shoved me slightly. I had momentarily forgot that I was in Lydia's car with her, Kasper, and Sal.

"Not purposely." I said.

"Rude. Even though I'm wasting my gas to pick up everyone." Lydia said as she peered at me from the rear view mirror before looking back to the road.

"Please. You're even more excited than any of us to get there." Kasper said.

"You're right." Lydia agreed. "but the new kid doesn't need to know that."

"New kid? Me?" I asked. I guess in the given situation I was the new kid to the group.

"Yeah." Lydia confirmed, "it's too early for you to find out how much I love alcohol. You know, it's a great way to relieve your mind of worries."