My Infinite Oblivion

Religious Beliefs

I don't have a religious belief.

I'm meant to believe in Jesus Christ, the Virgin Mary and God and all that, but I don't. I find myself asking, what is belief? Is it something you're forced to grow up with, something prompted for you to preach about over time? Of course it is. But what is actual Christianity, Buddhism, Judaism? I think of it as a bunch of Gods, (or just one, in my case) who people tell you about, about their greatness, their power, their history, their wrath. I don't listen. I don't know what belief is. I've never felt it. Do you have to feel it? To me it's just like learning about a historical person in History, like Anne Frank or Martin Luther King Jr. To me it's just like learning about the continents of the world or the temperature regions in Geography. To me it's just another storybook to invest in. But it's different to History, Geography, books. It's something you have to physically believe in. It's something so important it has different types of churches for it. It has practical fan clubs and even merchandise, just like a popular celebrity. But what makes it so different to storybooks and celebrities? I can easily tell you the difference between those two, but with an actual religion, it's harder to explain. With a book and a religion, it's similar. A fiction book and a religion are the same. There's no proof they actually exist, is there? Write about Martians all you like, but honestly, they're a theory. Just like religion.

When a relative of mine passed away, I was meant to pray. So I did pray. I got down on my knees, joined my hands and closed my eyes. And I prayed. The usual thing. "Dear Lord, help my poor ______ *remains anonymous for personal reasons* to get better and help her in heaven. Help her through the rest of her heavenly life as she watches us up beyond the skies... Etc. Amen."

But do you know, the entire time I was thinking, what am I doing? I might as well pray to the Statue of Liberty for all the good this is doing. For me, it is simply an illusion that people made, making up a person thousands of years ago that they could depend on and make their God. How do I know if it's real or not real? (Oh great, I'm going all Mockingjay now). I wouldn't call myself an atheist. I'm probably not an agnostic either. I'm definitely not a Christian either. So what am I? I'm a confused girl in a world where you're meant to believe or not, not waver in the middle of confusion. So what am I? I don't know. Don't ask me. My brain is an Infinite Oblivion. I'm just confused.

But get practical. How does God hear tens of thousands of people at the same time praying to him? He doesn't exactly reply, does he? And seriously, what is he meant to do? How is he meant to communicate? He doesn't have access to your brain, now, does he? If you're asking for help and suddenly you get an idea, that's not him. It was you.

And if I had to listen to tens of thousands of people at the same time, I'd explode.

DON'T YOU DARE SAY HE'S INVINSIBLE, BECAUSE THAT'S ANOTHER THEORY, SO SHH