My Infinite Oblivion

Realization

I didn't realize that that when I signed up to become an independent person who didn't give a damn about what other people thought that it would make their opinion of me worse.

as you would know, if you read my last few chapters, I had a big drama going on in my life a few months ago. that drama is over now and I am friends again with those people who I disagreed with, thank God. However, some scars stay, and they inflict on other people.

I'm writing this because today I realized that even though what I thought was the worst is over, to some people it's not. it's only just starting.

I never realized that whatever I did at my own accord, as my own Alyssa-choice which you shouldn't actually have to care about, other people would take note of and take into account, in which they would twist into some sick fantasy they wanted to hear themselves because of some grudge they had when we were like eight. they got me at my weakest moment of my life, in front of the people whom I thought were my best friends, and continued to humiliate me and didn't let me forget about drama and just enjoy my life. I was blamed for things I didn't know I even did because of their own jealousy and hatred for me and it opened the wounds I had just managed to close and were starting to heal. not to make me seem like the helpless damsel in distress here, but still to this day I have no idea what I did wrong, when I was trying to do what the original me would do. The onlookers, whom I had thought were my closest friends, believed this, and assumed it was in every way correct just because it was said about someone who had just been in an excessively horrible drama. I lost many friends that day and I didn't know it. I only found out a week ago by a person who pressured me into spilling my part of the story, which had only actually been heard of by my family and the actual main people of the entire thing. I never realized that it would spread. it didn't die down as I thought its would. it was picked up by more people.

I was wondering why nobody apart from three people were answering me over summer. their views of me had changed because someone with a good reputation said it.

these people whom I talk about have no idea I know what's going on. I thought it was over, but if you're going to keep the fire going, im not going to get burned. I have a life.

thank you to the people who believed in me, I love you x