My Infinite Oblivion

Influence

So, this chappy is something that both me and one of my fantabulistic friends have talked about recently, and it's about how a child's attitude towards things are how they are brought up. You've all heard of stuff like this, right? Verruca Salt, the horrible brat who was spoilt all her life and wanted a squirrel and ended up in a rubbish chute, (also, her famous line, "Daddy, I want a pony,") and stuff like that. Well, have you thought about how you are basically the exact same? Everyone is. And im not going to single myself out in this book, as if none of these apply to me, because that's stupid and why else am I writing this? Anyways, your personality is basically based on your upbringing.

For example, two extreme Christian parents? Most likely homophobic? I suggest you stay away from the internet or you'll find yourself in the middle of a war (most likely between Directioners; we sure are passionate about Larry)

Or, your parent's a politician and is certain you will be a future Taoiseach? All debates will revolve around your opinions on law.

Or, brushing a touchy subject here so forgive me if you're offended, you've had a rough childhood with either a divorce going on or maybe an abusive parent and you tend to keep to yourself? (If anyone is feeling this type of way please message me and we can work this out together :])

It's all about how you're brought up. I live with either of my parents at different times and they are quite different! my mother is a Christian and my father is an atheist, and both are very passionate about their beliefs (no, I don't have bibles and crosses all over my house. that would be creepy). With my mum it's always casual, like helping her clean up or talking about TV shows, that sort of thing, and with my dad I feel more free, being able to say what I think instead of a weird look being thrown my way or a, "WHAT did you just say??" So therefore I've been thinking about how different things could have been if they were still together and agreed on things. Like, with my dad we can talk about stuff like gay people coming out and how much this generation sucks (mostly my opinion) but with my mum it's like, "oh god if I even brush the subject of atheism she'll shun me forever and throw me out of the house!!" That sort of thing. However, if they agreed on, for example, Jesus, right now I could either be praying on my knees or reading a bible for the eighteenth time since 2013, OR I could have been skipping religion class and rolling my eyes at people who read bible passages. As an example. Most likely not either, but you never know.

But not also your upbringing. I find that since I started at my new school I've been trying way too hard to fit in and my mind has been changed by other people's opinions that I care about way too much.

Scenario 1:
a girl walks into school with a blue scarf. "That's a nice scarf," I say quietly, eyeing the delicate patterns embroidered on the cotton.
"Are you serious?" Girl Beside Me laughs. "That's disgusting. I saw it half price in Penney's for like two euro. Cheap and tacky, if you ask me."
This is what I want to say; "I didn't ask." What I actually say; "Oh, yeah, you're right."

S T O P

God, I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I really dislike the person I'm becoming. I'm generally not a picky person when it comes to friends but these days when I walk into school there's someone waiting with pointless news that I don't even care about and isn't even true usually. But you know what I do? Pretend to be interested. Today a girl I was walking with called this young lady in a wheelchair passing a "retard", so I turned to her for a second, suddenly wanting to punch her so bad, but I smiled and nodded, feeling sick.

How am I going to stand this?