Me: *steps out onto porch*
Mom: oh it's such a sunny day out here *breaths in air loudly*
Me: it burns like flames of hell
Mom: shhh Ava enjoy the beautiful day
Me: our dog is literally mauling a squirrel over there.
Mom: come on lets go for a walk
Me: y tho
Mom: because
Me: but we don't need to, how in hell does this benefit me or you at all???
Monster: *appears* OH MY GOD AVA YOU CANT JUST ASK PEOPLE WHY A WALK BENEFITS ANYONE
Me: wtf
Monster: *eyes cross* I can see into my brain...
Me: oh shit really lemme try--
Monster: STFU I AM HERE TO KILL U
Me: y
Monster: bc
Me: k
Me: *sprints away* mom y u no save meh????!!!
Mom: eh *leaves*
Monster: *tries to follow but trips bc they r wearing sparkly pink high-heels*
Satyr: *materializes out of thin air and hits monster on the head with a telescope* juSTICE BITCH
Me: *munches loudly on imaginary popcorn as monster dies after many seconds of agony and severe brain-damage*
Monster: *explodes into dust and confetti*
Satyr: dank u for ur cooperation
Me: who r u
Satyr: I'm Theodore
Me: k where we goin Theo
Theo: to a mystical place full of half-god children and unicorns *sparkle eyes*
Me: sounds legit
------------
Theo: k we here
Me: uhm it's a strawberry field. Do I look like I came here for berries? *is unamused*
Theo: it's magic
Me: can you magically cut the grass? It's too long to see over it you ass
Theo: JFC IDC IF UR SHORT
Me: *glARE*
Theo: *girly screech* *faints*
Me: *enters camp*
-----------
Me: hey Chiron
Chiron: yes?
Me: MY LITTLE PONY--
Chiron: OH MY GOD WHY
---------------
Camper: I dare you to climb the Lava wall
Me: unless I get to push someone into the lava I don't see how that could be fun
-----------
Will: she's even worse at archery than I am
Nico: how ur the most horrible tho
Me: *misses target completely*
Will: this is hopeless
Me: what? I hit one of those snobby Ares kids. I call that an accidental win
Nico: *whispers* accidents don't happen accidentally
Me: exactly Nico. Exactly
Will: uh *tapes picture of Octavian on target*
Me: *gets a bullseye*
Will: good job!
Me: I only wish he was really here
Nico: ...really...?
Me: so I could watch him bleed out on the ground myself
-------------
Percy: *whines* I'm hungry
Alice: hi hungry, I'm daughter
Me:
Annabeth:
World:
Percy: *open-mouthed stare*
Me: oh how the tables have turned
