The Death of Me | A mafia story

Chapter 15 - Don't forget to wear a mask

[In the last part, there is a big time jump, so don't get confused]

Alex's POV

I directly pulled my arm away , "Don't start." I said.

"The fuck i'll start." He snapped angrily, i ignored him as i again pulled the sleeves of my sweater down.

He looked shocked, why ?

Didn't he think i will do it again. Wasn't it obvious-

I was hoping that at least no one will notice, but damn, it's hard - so fucking hard to keep a secret when it is written all over your body.

"Why ?" He asked, his voice came lower this time.

"Why not." Was all i said.

"Alex, what the fuck, do you wanna go back there again !" He exclaimed angrily.

"Damn lower your voice." I said then looked at the door, i don't want Katherine to hear about this.

"I don't understand you." Ashton said as he ran his hand in his hair frustrated.

"That's why don't interfere." I replied coldly, "You won't understand."

No one will.

"Maybe i won't." He said, "But that's not the way to do it !"

God, i won't hear the end of this now.

"Look i appreciate your concern, but let's just pretend you didn't see this and move on, mkay ?" I said, flashing him a sarcastic smile.

He shot me a glare in return, "I understand you are in pain, but this -"He said pointing at my arm, he shook his head, "Hurting yourself is not an option-"

I hate this. Talking about this, i was never good at it, because i can't put it into words, i can't describe why i do what i do, it is not - easy. If you've never done it, you'd never understand.

I don't want them to tell me it is bad, tell me to stop.

It's not by my hand, can't they see it.

Do i regret it ?

Yes.

Will i do it again ?

Probably-

Because once the scars starts to fade, the urge to bring them back becomes stronger and stronger.

Like they say, once a cutter, always a cutter -

I still remember the first time i did it, a stage in my life i rather not think about - a part of my life hidden - no one knows about.

A little secret of mine - A perfect lie i fed to everyone about who i am, about where i come from.

My plan then wasn't just a simple cut, i wanted it to end. End my life - but the peace that came upon me when the blade penetrated my skin was a thing i craved, so it became an addiction.

A habit i couldn't escape.

Like i said, they won't understand.

When all these thought overpowered the sanity in my brain, i stood up, i wanted to leave, i can't stay and hear more about it. Talking about it will ruin me more.

"Where do you think you're going ?" Ashton said as he stood up as well.

"I don't want to stay and listen to you lecturing me about this shit, i am not in the mood for that." I said, my tone came harsh. I am just sick of everything.