The Death of Me | A mafia story

Chapter 54 - A bond, thicker than the blood we shared

"There is a little boy inside the man who is my brother... Oh, how I hated that little boy. And how I love him too."

– Anna Quindlen

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Cara's POV

The thunder rolled overhead and rain pattered against the window's pane, knocking me out of my haze. I lifted my head up and listened to the sound of the raindrops as they steadily hit the glass, one after the other, with a constant rhythm as if the world outside was playing its own melancholy melody.

My gaze darted away and I continued brushing my wet hair. My movement suddenly paused and I let my eyelids drop down for a second as today's events rushed back with a full force and took a hold over my thoughts.

You see, it wasn't just the hallucinations that freaked me out, it wasn't just what I saw, it's what I felt.

The fear, the terror, the panic and the anguish that took over my being by just looking at him...The memories that I thought I moved on from, the life I thought I left behind. Today showed me, proved to me, that I am not over it yet, that somehow, I am still stuck in that past.

The hallucinations didn't come out of the blue, the drug didn't show me lies, it just brought what was buried deep down in my subconscious.

I felt something scratch at the back of my throat so I rested the comb over the counter before I brought my hand up and rubbed at my neck.

I lifted my eyes and faced myself in the mirror, I tucked my hair behind my ear, removing it away from over my eyes as I sucked into a deep calming breath, trying to relieve some of the nerves that spiked my inside.

I stared at myself, waiting to find an answer, to find a way, because,

I need to move on.

I must find a way to move on.

I just don't know how.

I know that Alex is by my side now, I know that he is ready to do anything for me, I know that he wants to take all of my pain away but this isn't about him.

His love comforts me in ways I'll never understand, but this...this is different.

His love alone can't make me forget, I am the one who should be willing to forget. I am the only one who can heal myself. I am the one who should be ready to move on.

Just like my love won't take Alex's pain away. Just like that; because by the end, you need to realize that this is not about anyone else but yourself.

It's about you willing to let go of that pain. Letting it tumble out, till it slowly vanishes.

And the moment you start to understand that, is the moment you move one step closer toward the new you, the better you, the unbroken you.

My thoughts halted when I heard the bedroom's door open, I turned around to see Alex step inside. I shook every other thought away and focused on him, "Hey, where did you disappear to?" I asked as I got to my feet and walked toward him.

It's only when I talked that he seemed to realize my presence, his eyes fell on me and I gulped. He shook his head, his throat bobbed before he muttered, "Nowhere important."

My brows pulled together, something just didn't feel right.

"Ale-"

"I am gonna go take a shower." He said, almost dismissing me before he walked past me, his shoulder brushed against mine before he entered the bathroom. I stood still in my place and tried to understand the look he gave me, the way his voice sounded, how tired and lost he seemed to be.