The Death of Me | A mafia story

Chapter 21 - There is no us anymore

[NOT EDITED AND I HATE THIS CHAPTER, YOU WILL HATE IT TOO.]

Alex's POV

I had this very little small hope.

That things would be fixed, that we can get back together again. That the past can be forgotten and moving on is a real thing.

But now, now her very few words smashed that hope into very tiny pieces.

I had this hope, that they didn't-

That he didn't-

Fuck- the thought alone kills me.

This burn in my chest, when will it stop ?

For god's sake, i thought he didn't touch her.

That it was just a deal, like she said.

Looks like it wasn't.

I still had this small trust in her that she won't betray what we had.

Looks like i was wrong. I was the stupid one, i was the naive one to believe in her and to have faith in us.

She bowed her head down, doing her best to not meet my eyes. Her tears kept their flow, from her eyes down into her lap.

I closed my eyes for a brief second. How can i still feel bad for her, how can i still not handle her tears, how can i when she had killed me uncountable times.

How can i hurt for her. When she had hurt me and she still do without thinking twice.

How can i always keep forgiving her when she doesn't even deserves it ?

I hate her.

I hate the love i have for her.

I hate that I can't let her go.

I wanted to scream, at the moment i wanted to break everything and break her along but I couldn't, heck i wanted to let it out but a part of me couldn't, a part of me couldn't hurt her because it will hurt him more.

I opened my eyes and tried my best to stay calm. I placed my hand over her arm and squeezed a little to make her look at me.

She lifted her head, i bit the inside of my cheek to keep my anger at bay because everything in me wanted her to feel the same pain i am feeling at the moment.

"Come." I said, my voice came blank, void of any emotions, "Let me take you to bed."

The shock in her eyes didn't go unnoticed by me. Does she know that it's taking everything in me to not lose it in front of her now ? Does she know i am letting it slowly eat me just so I wont say something i may regret ?

My hand traveled to her cheek and tried to remove the tears away as i said, "It's gonna be okay."

But it wont.

It'll never be okay again.

Her red teary eyes kept looking at me as if she was expecting something else. I stood up and extended my hand to pull her up.