The Death of Me | A mafia story

Chapter 47 - I don't entirely hate you

Man, writing is so hard xD How do people do it? I wasted all my brain cells to get this chapter done and it still sucks. Smh. I give up.

And can people stop telling me that I am romanticizing rape wtf. HOW DID I EVER ROMANTICIZE RAPE ??? *rips my hair off*

THE ONLY THING STOPPING ALEX FROM KILLING NIKOLAS IS THEIR PAST, HOW IS THAT ROMANTICIZING RAPE ?! Can someone just shoot me...smh that's why I hate writing sometimes.

And I said this before, and I'll say it again. If Cara doesn't end up with Alex, then she won't end up with anyone else. So also stop saying that I am shipping her with Nikolas *insert eye rolls* because I AM NOT.

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Cara's POV

My heart skipped a beat or maybe two. It flattered rapidly as I grabbed his wrist in my hand, my fingers wrapped themselves so tight over his skin refusing to let go. My head cocked up in shock, my eyes wide; disbelief, fear, anger, and too many other mixed emotions clouding them.

I jerked my head with a harsh shake. My teeth grinding against each other trying so hard to keep my fear from spurring forward. Raging brown eyes stared down at me and his lips pressed against each other before his throat bobbed and he swallowed hard, trying to shove it all back down as always.

Steady air left his nose before he ever so calmly said, "Get out."

I shook my head, my fingers only tightened over his wrist telling him that I am not going anywhere. The muscles of his jaw worked, he tried to pull his hand out of my grip but he couldn't. I have never held into something that hard; as if I am clinging onto the last thread of hope binding us together.

He jerked his face away for two anguished beats as if he couldn't handle to look at me, it's like if he looked any longer, his mask will fall to the ground and crumble into pieces. When he leveled his gaze back on me, all traces of emotion had been erased. I couldn't read through him now. His eyes stopped me at their threshold and didn't let me get in any further. My gaze instantly dropped lower trying to catch a glimpse of the metal laying inside his palm but it was covered with his fingers.

"I am fine." He stated, "Just leave me alone."

Resistance lifted my chin in a firm set of defiance, my heart thrumming too hard and my stomach feeling as if it might spill over, "I am not going anywhere."

I was leaving. After what happened, I really was. But something stopped me. A pull I couldn't understand pushed me toward him, a part of me felt that he is way far from okay. That he needs me now more than ever. That whatever happened between us moments ago was just a cover, a way to escape the battle he is fighting within himself throughout all these years.

I was pulled out of the wave of thoughts tumbling across my mind when he harshly wrenched his hand out of my grip. My eyes widened when they followed that single blood drop that left the inside of his palm and traveled from between his intertwined fingers into the ground. I lurched forward, "Don't do that!" I screamed but my words came out chocked and the lump lodged in my throat only expanded.

The air shifted in the room and panic enveloped every edge of it. His fist loosened from around the razor almost as if he didn't notice how his tight grip had hurt him. His gaze fell to his hand before he let the metal slip from his palm and fall down. I winced at the sound it made when it hit the concrete floor.

Moisture gathered in my eyes, and I tried with everything in me to blink the tears back as I took his hand in mine, the razor's edges had imprinted themselves around his palm. I lifted my eyes and looked right into his, "Alex.." his name left my mouth as a mere whisper.