The Death of Me | A mafia story

Chapter 19 - When you were alive, i was the one who is dead

Cara's POV

"- But you'll never be able to heal the scars over my arm."

His words hit me hard, so hard. My eyes traveled to his arm and my chest tightened.

I saw them before, i did.

They are clearly craved over his skin making it hard to ignore and not observe. Not one or two, much more, way more.

I saw them but I didn't think it through. I saw them but i ignored them too.

Because it kills me, it rips me apart knowing that this time, i am the reason behind those scars.

I am the one who caused him this much pain.

I really did destroy him, i wrecked him, i really did kill him.

To think about it, i am way worse than my father, i am even worse than Nikolas himself because to kill Alex, I didn't need to hold a knife.

To kill him, i just needed a hold over his heart and I mercilessly twisted it in my hand. I carelessly tightened my hold ignoring that it would leave him suffocated along.

My hand involuntary went to his arm, but when my fingers brushed over his skin, he directly flinched. He opened his eyes and met mine, "Don't-" he just said.

"Alex i-"

"I said i want to sleep." He cut me off before he got up from his laying position. His tone cold and harsh. So not him. Not my Alex, no.

He stood up and started to walk away, ignoring me again. But this time, i followed him, anger and hurt started to build inside me, i tugged on his shirt from the back stopping him.

"Please stop, stop doing this !" I can't handle this version of him.

I stood facing him, "Shout at me Alex, Say something, hit me for god's sake but don't ignore me like this !" I added bewildered by his actions. How is he going to understand if he doesn't  even want to listen to me.

"When you are going to listen to me." I said, my voice raising, "Alex i too wasn't living in heaven for the past two years." If just he knows.

My eyebrow raised, "You think i was happy, you think now i am happy, that it doesn't kill me knowing-" i pointed toward his arm, "- i am the reason behind this."

He kept silent in return, his jaw tight, his eyes holding nothing.

I let a low sigh before i brought my hand and held his, "You lost me i know, but -- i lost you too." I added, almost breathlessly trying my best to keep my tears locked.

He shook his head, removed his hand away from mine and looked away, "You see that's the point -" he said, his gaze drifted back to me, "I didn't just lose you."

He is right. At least i had Lilly.

"I know i wronged you, a lot." I said, guilt rolling within my words, "But i did what I thought was the right thing to do, everything i did was just to protect you-"

Anger flashed in his eyes before he harshly held my arm, "Stop saying this sentence." He snapped, his fingers tightened over my skin.