Becoming Badass

Do you get scared?

"Alex?" I hear Blake's voice echo loudly through his house but only sounding muffled to me.

"Yeah?" I muffle back.

"Where are you?"

"I don't know... But it's warm." Blake drove me to his house and invited me in. I felt uncomfortable so he decided to go make us some hot chocolate (I like it better than coffee) and get snacks. He said make yourself at home so I got up, hesitantly of course, and began walking around his, what I like to call, castle. I ended up getting lost because I took some turns here, walked up or down some stairs, then saw a room open-- I'm just lost. But I found a a giant pile of freshly washed laundry and 'fell' in. In all honesty I'd be happy is I died here, it's really warm.

"Well can you at least tell me if I'm hot or cold by the sound of my voice?"

"Warm?" I say quietly to myself hugging a blanket(?) closer.

"What?!" He screams startling me slightly.

"Warm!" I scream back, we go on like this for a while my only response being 'warm.' I know that's annoying and not helping him but I want to be here for a little while longer.

"You've been yelling warm for the last 20 minutes and I've walked over all this damn house! Where the fuck are you?!" He yells louder than before and I make a tiny hole that I can peek through scrunching my nose when the cold air hits, seeing him standing at the open door looking around.

"In the laundry room." I mumble and he steps back a little looking confused then looking down at the pile of clothes and giving me a 'really?' look. "I couldn't help it."

"Come on," He laughs quietly walking over to me taking off all the clothes and putting them in a different basket. He helps pull me up and I pat my hair down. "I got everything ready." I follow him back out, us being in the living room in a matter of seconds. I feel my cheeks flush slightly because I thought I was in a fucking maze. It's different when you're alone in a new house. I sit down on the couch with Blake next to me. After hours of watching movies I look over to a wall clock and find out it's almost 11 pm. I rub my eyes and yawn.

"I think it's time to go home." I say looking over at him.

"I can't let you go back to that toxic place."

"It's my home, I can't change it. And anyway my parents would kill me if I stayed." I shrug my shoulders getting up.

"No, Alex, stay the night and I'll go with you tomorrow. You guys need a family meeting where they listen to you. You need to talk, if you keep going on like this it'll only get worse." He grabs my arm.

"I can't stay, it's Monday we have school tomorrow. And anyway what about your parents? They haven't come home and it's kinda late."  

"They're always  gone, they never care if I have people over. Just stay, okay?" He pleads and I bite the inside of my lip thinking, what harm could staying do? I open my mouth when we hear a knocks on the door. Blake stands up confused and walks towards the door and I begin cleaning up the mess we made.

"What are you doing here?" Blake whisper-yells. I hear a female voice respond but I can't make out what she says. I walk towards the door, curiosity getting the best of me when I see Blake being pulled forward into a full blown make out session with a blonde girl. I squint my eyes slightly trying to get a look at her face while she eats his face off, Ashley. I look down, I have to admit it hurts a little. I mean I don't like Blake he was just being nice and I thought we could be friends. Wait then why am I hurt? I feel my throat begin to burn and I begin taking deep breathes, talking to myself in my head. We are not dating. He's not my boyfriend. We're just friends. Don't get butt hurt over something that's not even real. It helps, kinda.

"No, I told you I don't want to do this anymore. It was fun but it's over." He wipes his mouth. Her voice goes up three octaves and begins yelling at which I'm assuming she says.

"Why? You're losing the best fucking thing in your life. You know what? You're not even that great in bed! You fucking apple!!" Oh wait I think asshole. Asshole* Next thing I know she slaps him in the face to the point where even I flinch. That's the loudest smack I've ever heard. Blake stares at her then begins closing the door, forcing her out and closing it despite her protests and banging on the door. He stands at the door for a few moments before I get the courage to speak.

"You alright?" I ask and he turns around.

"Yeah, she just doesn't handle rejection well... How long have you been standing there?" He asks nervously. Here's the point where I could tell him everything portray my breaking heart/feelings and storm off causing him to chase me and we kiss, even after he just had a tongue full of blonde. Then we fall in love and have a happily ever after. OR. I could realize that he and I will never happen because we're two different people. I chose the second so I respond with comedy(as best as I can.)

"Long enough to see you pass up sex, on a Monday. A Monday. Guys would kill to be in your spot. I will never understand you Blake, never." I laugh it off and walk back to the living room cleaning up the rest of the mess, giving him the dishes when he follows me into the living, I still don't know where the kitchen is. He let's it go. I begin walking towards the door, maybe I could just slip out and call my parents, walk or even take the bus home.

"But aren't you are staying, right? I'll make you breakfast, clothes, and a ride to school. Just pleas don't go yet. Please?" He pleads again behind me and I take a slow step forward. One side is telling me to leave and just leave forget about everything the other is telling me to stay, see what happens. I give in. 

"I like potatoes for breakfast." I turn around smiling and he smiles back.

"Come on, I'll show you where you can sleep. Unless you want to sleep in my room with me." He banters back and I roll my eyes as we walk upstairs. He shows me a guest room with a large cove and window. It's like fucking Peter Pan. He leaves me for second and I begin smiling, running to the window and sitting down, staring out the window. He walks back in and walks over to me handing me a large shirt with a pair of shorts. I take them, thanking him. "This use to be my favorite place too."

"Really? Why isn't this your room then?" I look up at him.

"Parents said the best is reserved for guest." He sigh softly and we standing silence for a moment, I turn my head back to the window. "I'm going back to my room, it's just down the hall if you need anything, okay?" I nod my head and he walks out. I change into the clothes and place mine on the floor beside the bed.

I move back to the window after giving up on trying to sleep. I stare up at the sky, it's clear tonight, after a rainy day all the clouds are gone. I try to look for a stare but can't find any tonight. This is one of the most dangerous points of my life. At night, when I'm alone allowing my thoughts to run wild. They tend to go to the darkest places. I begin thinking of my family how everything is just a mess. Nothing goes right with them. A family is suppose to be happy, I want that, I need that. One child shouldn't favored over the other, I shouldn't be panicking... I just-- I should be happy. With thinking of my family it leads to my life and all the uncertainty in it, I'm scared. And then my thought lead to Blake, him trying to help me. I can't thank him enough, he actively is trying to help me but he has enough problems on his own. His family isn't happy either, his sister is even like me. It must be tearing him apart as well.

I look down, hugging my knees to my chest. Why is life so complicated? Why is it risky? Why it is uncertain? Why? I squeeze my eyes tightly, keeping them close, I'm starting to cry. Tears run down my face and I begin getting frustrated with myself. Why do I always cry? Why am I such a cry baby? Why am I selfish? Everything has been about me, me, me. Why does this happen? I sniffle quietly hugging myself tighter. Why am I scared everything? I jump slightly when I feel arms wrap around me.

"It's okay, it's just me." I look up to see Blake with a just a pair of shorts. He picks me up carefully and carries me to the bed laying me down. He lays beside me and pulls the blanket over us, wrapping his arms around me again and I lay my forehead to his chest, sniffling. I didn't even hear him come in. I'm grateful he did, though. But I'm tired of being in my head and of him comforting me. So I ponder for a question to make him speak. We're in the dark for a while before I can decide on one. And I know the answer but I just want him to speak.

"Do you get scared?"