Becoming Badass

No, absolutely not.

I hum softly sitting on my couch in criss cross applesauce (I mean what else do I call it?) eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while Dylan paces in front of me. I look around the living room as I chew, ignoring him, there's a giant flat screen tv in front of me on top of a wooden desk(Draw? Whatever) with a few pictures. One of Dylan and my parents, one of Dylan, another one of Dylan, one of my parents, and one of me when I was 6 maybe. Everything's better when you're a kid, isn't it? I wish we didn't have to grow up. I wish-

"You're going to be in so much fucking trouble. As soon as mom and dad heard you were suspended they said they were on their way home. I swear, what were you even thinking?" Dylan says interrupting my thoughts and I turn my head to him chewing slowly.

"No matter what I say, you won't care. You'll just hear the worst." I take another bit staring into space again.

"That's not fucking true!" He says/yells.

"I said I would explain everything to you after I ate breakfast, and you didn't even let me do that." I finish eating and wipe my hands as best as I can, Dylan will scream at me if I get up.

"Alex-"

"Put yourself in my shoes. You have an older sibling who you love and would do anything for, even take shit from our parents everyday of my life, just so you can live worry free. But they won't do the same, they would even rat you out the one time you need them. I'm not suppose to have panic attacks over the smallest thing, I'm not suppose to fake a smile with you, you're my brother we're suppose to be there for each other. Every time I step into this apartment my anxiety shoots up because I'm just waiting for another lecture on what I'm doing wrong. I can't handle it anymore." I look down as I feel tears coming to my eyes.

"Alex, I didn't-" He stops as we hear the door open and my mom marches in, throws her bag down and stands in front of me. My dad walks in quieter and closes the door gently.

"Why?!" My mother screams. "Why?! What the hell is going on with you?! Is it because Dylan's here that makes you think you can act out?! We give you everything and this is how you treat us?!! Getting suspended and-"

"Cass, let me talk to her." I hear my dad say behind but I just keep staring at my lap.

"No, I want to hear what hell is going on in her head." My mom says.

"Mom, let's leave her alone with dad." Dylan says and I look up slightly to see him leading her out of the living room down the hall and I sigh softly, watching my dad as he sits next to me.

"What's going on, Princess?" He asks me and look at him to him with a look of sympathy on his face.

"I... I don't know anymore. Things are just- I don't know." I hold my hands together as they begin to shake slightly.

"Just start from the beginning, it's okay, take a deep breath." He places his hand on top of mine and brushes my hair back gently.

"Well there was this period of time where I didn't talk to any of my friends because they were busy and I became a little dramatic, but then we made up and then someone was picking on Layla so I got angry and then I kinda punched her. Which got me suspended.."

"You punched Layla?" 

"No the girl that was picking on Layla."

"Oh.. Well I never really thought that I'd be here talking to you about... You being suspended, more like Dylan. And I feel that there's more going on here than you're telling me." He pulls his hands away and leans back on the couch keeping his head turned to look at me.

"You guys treat Dylan like a god." I say causing my dad to laugh. "It's true! Watch how mom treats me then watch how she treats Dylan. Watch, I dare you. Ever since Dylan's got home the only time you guys actually talk to me is when you're lecturing me."

"I guess you're right.." My dad sighs out after a while. "I'll talk to you're mom, why don't you go to your room for the rest of the day." I nod my head getting up and stop for a second, confused then shake my head walking to my room and closing the door. I was so close to asking if he was going to ground me or something. Yeah, I'm an idiot sometimes. I crawl on my bed and lay on my side hugging a pillow to my chest. My dad is more laid back than my mom, and there are times were I can really count on him but it's random and rare. I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and I pull it out answering it with out looking at the number.

"Hello?" I say laying my phone on my ear and wrapping my arm back around my pillow.

"You alright?" They ask and I smile slightly hearing Molly's voice.

"As much as I can be." I say softly staring at the wall ahead of me.

"Mac just told us what happened, thought I should give you a call since we haven't had any time together. Had to sneak away from the rest of the guys though or else they would all try to talk to you at once."

"Yeah, kinda miss my best friend. Are you at lunch? What did Mac tell you?"

"Yeah, and I'm sorry... He said that you guys got caught by your brother at breakfast and he blew up. He tried to wait for you at the office but a teacher caught him and he had to go to class."

"Did he get detention?" I ask, if Mac got in trouble because of me I'll feel even more like shit.

"No, he's fine... Did he tell you anything?"

"He kept trying to but everything kept interrupting me, why? What was it?"

"Oh nothing. Gotta go bye!!"

"Bye-?" I say as Molly hangs up and laughs softly, she's weird.

~ Next day around mid-afternoon ~

"I wanted to be a better brother, better son, wanted to be a better adversary to the evil I have done, I have none to show to the one I love, but deny, deny, denial. Help me polarize, help me polarize, help me down." I sing loudly as I put on a bra and underwear on. I just took a shower and am now screaming to the top of my lungs, dancing around my room. My mom didn't talk to me for the rest of the day so I guess I'm off the hook? I keep dancing, trying to dry my hair while singing. I love these moments, where I can just- just not worry and breathe.

"ALEX!!!!" Molly bursts the door open, screaming my name, and barges in with Layla, Jess, Mac, Peyton, and Derek behind her.

"NAKED!!" I scream and jump on my bed trying to hide myself quickly under the blankets causing all my wet hair to stick to my face. Molly starts laughing her ass off, while Layla snickers and walks over to me sitting on my bed, everyone else standing there awkwardly 

"Well anyway get dressed we're busting you out of here and taking you to a party." Layla says smacking my thigh and I stare at all of them for a good minute.

"No, absolutely not."